Why I Quit the Army

Sandow

Registered
As I sank deep into depression, I became overwhelmed by my National Guard duties—and underwhelmed by the military’s mental health support system. Walking away may be against the law, but I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Back in 2010, joining the Virginia Army National Guard didn’t sound like such a bad idea. I had just been rejected from Virginia Commonwealth University and needed to set up a way to pay for college … when I eventually got in. Plus at the time I thought the National Guard wasn’t the real Army, so I had nothing to lose.

After enlisting and sweating at a couple training camps, I was assigned to a truck platoon out in the country. I’d report there one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer, during which time I would just exist for a couple days. The tasks were menial and my only real duty was to turn a wrench, refuel some trucks, and pass my physical fitness test. It helped me get started in art school. It was a good deal — before I started feeling restless.

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Without warning, I started falling behind in nearly every aspect of my life. It was like I ran out of gas without a warning light. Everything at the Guard got more difficult, and at school I started failing courses too. Why did I suddenly lose the strength to continue?

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I thought seeking recourse for my newly discovered depression would help.

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At a routine health assessment I tried unpacking the malaise I’d been feeling through the past year to a case manager. I explained how the pressure to succeed (and consequences of failing) as a student and a soldier was eroding my mental health, affecting my performance in either career. I came into the office looking for justification that what I was going through was grounds for a discharge based on my mental condition. Turns out if you’re not suicidal, then you can suck it up and drive on. The case manager told me that everything I was going through was situational, and that it would pass.

But what happens if the situation doesn’t change? What happens when you can’t hold out another two years before you finish college and your contract is up?

In hindsight, I should have considered a non-Army affiliated doctor.

I had joined the Guard to pay for art school because I had no scholarships coming in or familial support — and everybody there knew that. I was one of the few college students enlisted who hadn’t gone to Officer Candidate School, and I could feel my superiors hanging that over my head. It felt like every minor failure or shortcoming I had as a soldier would sabotage my future. My sergeants helped me believe that it would be a catastrophe to get kicked out.

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And that was the most agonizing part. Between my superiors and case managers telling me that my experiences were no big deal and to suck it up, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I’d grown to abhor a culture that made me feel like I was crazy.

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As the stress intensified, I started waking up in cold sweats and eating my anxiety. It fueled a cycle of decreasing self-worth. I stopped believing that I could be a good person, in addition to being a good soldier. However, I could only take so much. The deeper into my depression I sank, the more sure I became that surviving without the uniform couldn’t be much worse than this.

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I stopped showing up last June.

I was scared as hell. My commander, at his discretion, could choose to send state troopers to my place to collect me for duty. That would mean going out of his way himself for a whole duty day to find me, so I don’t think he thought I was worth the effort.

After that weekend passed, I turned in all my gear and threw out everything they let me keep. I didn’t want anything to do with this job anymore. I made great memories and some lasting friends at the start, but I left with a bad taste in my mouth. The last line in the Warrior Ethos says “I will never leave a fallen comrade.” I wonder how many of my sergeants remembered that.

Since I left last summer, I’ve been a full-time illustrator and cartoonist. I’ve gotten the chance to travel and meet others during opportunities that fell on the weekends when I would have been away for duty. Although sometimes I feel like a quitter for not finishing my obligation, I am sure that I wouldn’t be as satisfied with life as I am now.

Publsihed by Narrative
 
...and here I thought it was YOU who was in the army......

There is a lot of truth in what is written...there is definitely a stigma surrounding mental health at least in the Canadian military. Those inflicted are considered weak and quickly forgotten once in the system.

I used to always hear the leadership saying we look after our family (meaning troops), once they've served their purpose, they are cast aside so the leadership can continue their onward and upward voyage.

By the way it is World Mental Health Awareness Day today....
 
...and here I thought it was YOU who was in the army......

There is a lot of truth in what is written...there is definitely a stigma surrounding mental health at least in the Canadian military. Those inflicted are considered weak and quickly forgotten once in the system.

I used to always hear the leadership saying we look after our family (meaning troops), once they've served their purpose, they are cast aside so the leadership can continue their onward and upward voyage.

By the way it is World Mental Health Awareness Day today....

I’ve witnessed this serving for the US military as well. You’re their golden boy as long as you serve a purpose, the moment you’re out, they won’t even drive you to the airport.
 
I'll tell you why I quit the army...I got old and retired...but I'll tell you this...I'm sure glad I'm out of there as it's going to heck in a handbasket...
 
Published by Narrative, well they’re pushing a narrative alright. My advice to the author would be to find competent mental health treatment, quit making poor choices and blaming every single person for your problems but you. Starving artist, family won’t give me money, there are remedial jobs that need to get done and not everyone can be at the tip of the spear? Uh, ok. If it’s a real story (doubtful) hopefully there were consequences for him going awol and thank god it didn’t progress into another Bergdahl...
 
If I were his ARNG Company Commander, I'd have his ass thrown in JAIL. When you sign that enlistment, you give your time and energy in exchange for pay and benefits. Running away didn't do him ANY good; now he's got to live with that.

Now I will say this: I know the Reserve Components do a terrible job with ANY medical or mental health issues when you are not on active duty. I've seen it first hand with a soldier that was in my Command, and I busted my ASS to get him help. But he ran off too - and I've ruminated and been haunted by it still 15 years later.
 
If he can’t stand the strain of the easy duties, I wouldn’t want him when the poo hits the fan. Reserve units are called up all the time any more and they need to be ready. Let him out with a general discharge.
 
Failure on the part of his NCO's. Failure on him thinking the Army was easy. Failure again when he gave up. Hopefully he can salvage himself, as life on the outside isn't much easier.
 
Sounds like LIFE to me......

Sorry but this is soo typical of our society these days. Something doesn’t work out the way you envisioned it and now your all sad and depressed. You blame others you take ZERO responsibility and you look for the easiest way out. This way of thinking has led to the enabling and coddling of our youth. Which is why nobody can deal with adversity, hardship and struggle anymore.

You wanna sit around and draw cartoons for a living !?!? No surprise you family didn’t wanna pay for that shyt. You thought you could get a free ride thru the military and make your dreams come true without having to actually put some work in.... Again big surprise you wilted under the normal pressures and responsibilities of being a fricking Adult :mad:

This is nothing more than Millennial BS propaganda. “If you don’t like it quit and blame someone else”
 
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