OK,so here's my plan:
Sign up with some of those Internet dating sites. I plan to use that "grey area" between lies/BS and reality/truth.
Forinstance,when a prospective date makes contact and asks questions like, "What do you do for a living?"
I'll answer with, "I'm between postings but my last feild of endevour was Admininstrator for a large organization."
She'll ask why I moved on. INTERNET TRUTH: "I decided to pursue other avenues of interest."
Reality: I was an admin here on the Org but the owner(Captain) fired me and banned my a$$. (for good reason!)
See...easy right. She might ask where I live. INTERNET TRUTH: "I live in a nice building just north of town,with wonderfull water views."
Reality: True,I can see the water. But you also get spectacular views of grow-ops getting busted,crack dealers at work and of course the occasional arsonist. But its what you "leave out" that can make or break your chances for success right?
Now she might ask about what education I might have. INTERNET TRUTH: "Well honey I'm currently deciding on what courses to take at my local university." Cool right.
Reality: I keep looking at those advertisements in the back of comic books where you can get a "Mail-In" High school diploma,but I never seem to get around to it. Good answer right.
She may ask where I would take her on our first date. OK,easy enough. INTERNET TRUTH: "I plan to take you out for a wonderfull meal,followed by some very moving and powerfull artistic displays."
Reality: Dinner at McDonalds followed by watching some broke a$$ street performers on that corner in the rougher part of town. That guy in the dirty Elvis costume...the dude who has a full drum kit made from upside down plastic buckets and shi7. Perfect right?
I'm sure on "Date Night" she's gonna want to be transported in style right. No problem. I just happen to own a Hayabusa.Awesome right.
Now when the night in question rolls around and my broke a$$ can't afford to buy any gas...not to worry.
INTERNET TRUTH: I'll tell her "I would be honoured if you would help me complete a thesis I've been working on.A comparrison between those of higher social and economic standing and those who enjoy all the comforts and benifits of"...yup...you guessed it Public Transportation.
Now I've been told its all about the little things on a first date. Forinstance: Dont cheap out. I'll cover the meal,I'll pay the bus fare,open doors for her,wipe the puke off the bus seat...hell I'll even bring a roll of quarters for the fuggin street performers. Classy right.
Now this next one could be a little tricky. She may ask how I'm doing finacially. INTERNET TRUTH: Easy..."Self Employed." Just leave it there,leave it up to their imagination. If she presses just say things like: "I dable in the markets."
Reality: I watch the market sale flyers very closely so I can get better prices on Kraft Dinner.See...its what you leave out that makes it work.
She may ask if I'm a good cook. Response...more INTERNET TRUTH. "I'm always experimenting with new ideas and I try to think outside the box." "There are so many spices and herbs and seafoods that one can use to really dress up a meal."
Reality: I'm a wiz at taking a box of mac'n cheese (the generic brands of Kraft Dinner are way cheaper) and adding salt and pepper and ketchup too it. On a good day...mmmmm, a can of tuna. Its all good in the hood right.
Hobbies and entertainment: They all wanna know what you do in your "off time". INTERNET TRUTH: "I love to partake in the arts." "I really enjoy a good play." "I love working on fine automobiles".
Reality: I love the art of... not getting caught. I really enjoy a good play...Like when Russell Wilson throws a deep pass to a wide out for the touchdown in a Seahawks game. Fine automobiles...O ya. If I can afford it I take my Acura to the car wash once a month.
She might ask you to describe some of your good qualities.
INTERNET TRUTH:
1. I'm outgoing and "Happy-Go-Lucky"
2. I really love being around people.
3. I'm so hopefull for a better happier planet.
4. I really care about the enviroment.
5. I'd like to find that someone special and treat her like a Queen.
Reality:
1. I'd rather stay home and get drunk and I'm a miserible bastid.
2. I can't fuggin' stand most people.
3. WE ARE ALL FUGGIN' DOOMED.
4. I ride my glutanous Busa around everywhere,with no actual destination in mind.I dont recycle.
5. I'd like to find a hot lookin deaf/mute with tons of cash to spend on me.
What do you folks think? I think I can hit this internet dating thing "Right Outa the Park."
RSD.
Sign up with some of those Internet dating sites. I plan to use that "grey area" between lies/BS and reality/truth.
Forinstance,when a prospective date makes contact and asks questions like, "What do you do for a living?"
I'll answer with, "I'm between postings but my last feild of endevour was Admininstrator for a large organization."
She'll ask why I moved on. INTERNET TRUTH: "I decided to pursue other avenues of interest."
Reality: I was an admin here on the Org but the owner(Captain) fired me and banned my a$$. (for good reason!)
See...easy right. She might ask where I live. INTERNET TRUTH: "I live in a nice building just north of town,with wonderfull water views."
Reality: True,I can see the water. But you also get spectacular views of grow-ops getting busted,crack dealers at work and of course the occasional arsonist. But its what you "leave out" that can make or break your chances for success right?
Now she might ask about what education I might have. INTERNET TRUTH: "Well honey I'm currently deciding on what courses to take at my local university." Cool right.
Reality: I keep looking at those advertisements in the back of comic books where you can get a "Mail-In" High school diploma,but I never seem to get around to it. Good answer right.
She may ask where I would take her on our first date. OK,easy enough. INTERNET TRUTH: "I plan to take you out for a wonderfull meal,followed by some very moving and powerfull artistic displays."
Reality: Dinner at McDonalds followed by watching some broke a$$ street performers on that corner in the rougher part of town. That guy in the dirty Elvis costume...the dude who has a full drum kit made from upside down plastic buckets and shi7. Perfect right?
I'm sure on "Date Night" she's gonna want to be transported in style right. No problem. I just happen to own a Hayabusa.Awesome right.
Now when the night in question rolls around and my broke a$$ can't afford to buy any gas...not to worry.
INTERNET TRUTH: I'll tell her "I would be honoured if you would help me complete a thesis I've been working on.A comparrison between those of higher social and economic standing and those who enjoy all the comforts and benifits of"...yup...you guessed it Public Transportation.
Now I've been told its all about the little things on a first date. Forinstance: Dont cheap out. I'll cover the meal,I'll pay the bus fare,open doors for her,wipe the puke off the bus seat...hell I'll even bring a roll of quarters for the fuggin street performers. Classy right.
Now this next one could be a little tricky. She may ask how I'm doing finacially. INTERNET TRUTH: Easy..."Self Employed." Just leave it there,leave it up to their imagination. If she presses just say things like: "I dable in the markets."
Reality: I watch the market sale flyers very closely so I can get better prices on Kraft Dinner.See...its what you leave out that makes it work.
She may ask if I'm a good cook. Response...more INTERNET TRUTH. "I'm always experimenting with new ideas and I try to think outside the box." "There are so many spices and herbs and seafoods that one can use to really dress up a meal."
Reality: I'm a wiz at taking a box of mac'n cheese (the generic brands of Kraft Dinner are way cheaper) and adding salt and pepper and ketchup too it. On a good day...mmmmm, a can of tuna. Its all good in the hood right.
Hobbies and entertainment: They all wanna know what you do in your "off time". INTERNET TRUTH: "I love to partake in the arts." "I really enjoy a good play." "I love working on fine automobiles".
Reality: I love the art of... not getting caught. I really enjoy a good play...Like when Russell Wilson throws a deep pass to a wide out for the touchdown in a Seahawks game. Fine automobiles...O ya. If I can afford it I take my Acura to the car wash once a month.
She might ask you to describe some of your good qualities.
INTERNET TRUTH:
1. I'm outgoing and "Happy-Go-Lucky"
2. I really love being around people.
3. I'm so hopefull for a better happier planet.
4. I really care about the enviroment.
5. I'd like to find that someone special and treat her like a Queen.
Reality:
1. I'd rather stay home and get drunk and I'm a miserible bastid.
2. I can't fuggin' stand most people.
3. WE ARE ALL FUGGIN' DOOMED.
4. I ride my glutanous Busa around everywhere,with no actual destination in mind.I dont recycle.
5. I'd like to find a hot lookin deaf/mute with tons of cash to spend on me.
What do you folks think? I think I can hit this internet dating thing "Right Outa the Park."
RSD.
lease:
I'm here for morale support my friend
