Things not to say to a cop


Wow, I always thought you had to be a lot fitter than that to be in the Force.

I almost decided to be a cop, but I thought I’d finish school instead.

Is it true that people become cops because they’re too dumb to work at McDonald’s?

Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that’s how far ahead of me they are.

No, offi, offic, Lucifer . . . I’m not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.

No, I don’t know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 140 mph.

Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

So, uh, you on the take, or what?

Sorry officer wot have I done? I was asleep.

No I can’t step out of the car ’cos I can’t walk, and I’ve got to get to the next lock-in before it closes.

Of course I was all over the road, I was wanking.

No officer, my brake lights are working it’s my brakes that aren’t.

No I don’t know how fast I was going ’cos I had my eyes closed.

How ironic, I was just wondering about joining the Force. Do you get trained, or were you born an arsehole?

You only caught me ’cos I let you. I demand a re-match.

You only caught me ’cos I let you, but you are faster than that copper yesterday.

I wasn’t driving dangerously, I was aiming for you.

You must need your licence as well ’cos you needed to do 125mph to keep up with me.

Sorry officer, I usually have my guide dog with me.

I’m glad you stopped me, I was wondering what the speed limit was.

You were flat out officer, I guess pigs can fly then.

Sorry officer I’m on a mission from God.

There’s no blood in my alcohol system osifer.
Sorry officer, I thought the flashing lights were part of the acid trip I’m on.

Am I off the hook if my girlfriend flashes her tits at ya?

Where did you get your car from? You did well keeping up with me for the last few hours?

Sorry I ran over that pedestrian at the crossing, I was admiring my bird’s tits!

Sorry officer, I ran into the bloke in front ’cos I was watching a movie on my new DVD!

My apologies officer! I thought you wanted to race me again.

I was doing 90 in a 30 zone because I was always told to be different.

Sorry officer I was only showing you how to power slide.

I can't reach my licence unless you hold my beer.

Sorry, officer, I didn't realise my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Officer, that's terrific. The last policeman only gave me a warning too!

Were they your flashing lights? I thought they were the neons on my parcel shelf

No I haven't got my licence I gave it to one of your colleagues yesterday

sorry officer I cant step out of the car im 2 drunk to walk.
Hey a pic of yer Bus.......any mods yet er what?
Tsssk, tsssk, tsssk, ... yet ... it better be on order ...  
It would be if it wasn't for

A. I don't have the cash for it(yet)

B. Im not ready for a busa yet
I see.... yer just comin' out here ,hangin' aroun' ,till you get a job and a motorcycle lisence ?   cool .

You mean a LOAN and a motorcycle license ...

Who needs a job anyhow?
I see.... yer just comin' out here ,hangin' aroun' ,till you get a job and a motorcycle lisence ?   cool .

Of course when i get my busa i will be to busy to post
There's always gonna be the crappy weather days ...
thats the best part of vegas it rains 2 days a year and the record for the most rain is .97 inches (if my memory serves me correctly)