the 2005 STELLA AWARDS

jmaz268

Killin' is my business, a
Donating Member
Registered
Stella's are named after 81 year old Stella Liebeck
who spilled coffee on
herself and successfully sued McDonald's.

THIS YEAR'S AWARDS GO TO:

5th Place (3 nominees Tied):

5) Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded
$780,000 by a jury of
her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a
toddler who was running
inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
understandably
surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving
toddler was Ms.
Robertson's son.

5) 18 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000
and medical expenses
when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda
Accord. Mr. Truman
apparently did not notice there was someone at the
wheel of the car when he
was trying to steal the hubcaps.

5) Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was
leaving a house he had
just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not
able to get the
garage door to go up since the automatic door opener
was malfunctioning. He
could not re-enter the house because the door
connecting the house and
garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was
on vacation and Mr.
Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 8 days.
He subsisted on a
case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog
food. He sued the
homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused
him undue mental
anguish. The Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place:

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded
$14,500 and medical
expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his
next door neighbor's
Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's
fenced yard. The award
was less than sought because the jury felt the dog
might have beena little
provoked at the time as Mr. Williams, who had climbed
over the fence into
the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet
gun.

3rd Place:

A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber
Carson of Lancaster,
Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft
drink and broke her
coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor
because Ms.Carson had
thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier, during
an argument.

2nd Place:

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a
Night Club in a
neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom
window to the floor and
knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred
whilst Ms. Walton was
trying to sneak in the window of the Ladies Room to
avoid paying the $3.50
cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental
expenses.

And now, the 1st Place winner of this year's STELLA
Award is:

Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr.
Grazinski was this years
runaway winner! He purchased a brand new Winnebago
Motor home. On his trip
home from an OU football game, having driven onto the
freeway, he set the
cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's
seat to go into the
back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not
surprisingly the RV left the
freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued
Winnebago for not
advising him in the owner's manual that he could not
actually do this. The
jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a brand new Winnebago
Motor home. The
Winnebago company actually changed their manuals on
the basis of this suit
just in case there were any other complete morons (or
OU fans) buying their
recreational vehicles.
 
Okay, as unreal as they all are, I'm not surprised...

Thank you Stella...for encouraging frivolous lawsuits...
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ok .. im dyin here !!!! AAHAHAHAHAH .. n the dumbguy award's continiue to be hand'd out.. * whew * thanks for the morning laff !!
 
WTF? Un-fuggin-real. Crap like that pisses me off.....
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Fuggin NOBODY wants to take responsiblity for their actions anymore. Grrr....


How frivolous......
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