That first car, your kids and you...

[Tiller]

FWIW, and I know I talk tough now only having a 6 month old, but I'm not paying for my child's college either. If he wants to go to college, he can get a scholarship or a loan like I and my wife both had to do.

Too easy to flake around in college when you aren't footin' the bill for it..

That is your view opinion and obviously you are free to do as you please.... For me it would totally depend on your child's drive... If they get a half academic scholarship and want to be an engineer from a great school, then I will be paying for that

 

[GsxrBots]

And you're approach worked perfectly.... because now she wont let me spend any

 

[zukracer]

My first car was my parents car and it was never "mine". They provided me a car to use, one of theirs or the old family truckster station wagon if I was desperate My first vehicle I purchased was actually a gsxr1100 when I was a jr in college. I was still driving my parents loaner (mom's old car) though until I was out of school and had a "real job". To my parents as long as my grades were good and I was out of trouble it was part of the deal. Had I been a major screw up I suspect I'd be thinner because I would have had to walk a LOT

The first car I bought was actually in 1999. I got lucky in my job and could afford a Camaro SS, fully loaded fun as hell car. Paid cash for it and have since transformed it into other trucks. While I always had a reliable car along the way I never took it for granted. I felt lucky to get to drive mom or dad's nice car instead of the old station wagon. I did chores to pay for my gas and if it was empty when I brought their cars home, OMG yeah I'd rather never do that again LOL.

The world has changed though and while I have a few years before I have to worry with this I know its coming. I suspect we'll provide our oldest with a similar program. She can use one of our cars or perhaps we'll keep a car instead of trading on a new one for her to use. She will in no way shape or form have a title in her name and she will absolutely not feel like she can just take the car whenever she wants. Its a cost I'm willing to absorb to make sure she is OK and to maintain some level of control. I worry about her safety and want to make sure she has something safe, reliable and decent but she does not need anything new. Buying kids something never makes them really appreciate what it is to have a car payment, pay for insurance and that sense of ownership. I dont care how good a kid is, if they dont have skin in the game they just cannot appreciate it. And a car is the second largest investment folks make typically behind a house purchase. When the time comes perhaps I will help with a down payment or cosign a loan but no one did it for me. Not that they couldnt but that they wouldnt and it forced me to appreciate it all just that much more.

Best of luck to ya though I'm definitely not looking forward to that time. I would check to see what the laws are around ownership of the car and parental control. If they own it (title in their name) could you really legally prevent them from getting in and driving anytime they wanted to once they have a full license? What levels of insurance do you have to maintain above theirs if god forbid they had an accident and the other folks came after you and them. Lots of crazy stuff out there these days.

 

[skydivr]

... so it's not like I was given anything new and hip ( BUT IT WAS ALWAYS THE CLEANEST CAR IN THE HIGH SCHOOL PARKING LOT) :laugh

Knowing you, of this I have no doubt I was like that too, until after Callie was born, now my truck doesn't get washed so often

Seems to me you loved the old gal. Ah the memories of the Thunderbird...police calling my wife's cell...do you know a James Bolen? I'll leave the rest for another time.

I think I've heard that story Thanks for sharing your experience Charlie; you can bet you and I are going to have some LONG conversations the next few years. Callie's headstrong like Diana and it's going to be like the Irresistable Force meeting the Immovable Object I'm afraid. But looking at your daughter you have done an outstanding job and I just hope I can do as good as you and Sandy did.

College: I've been saving for my daughter's college (529) since the day she was born. Given what it will to for her entire life, hell yes I'm going to pay for most of it (so she's independently able to gain employment later in life and not on my payroll). I want her to work some so she understands the value of money, but not to the point that it takes away from her studies but hopefully curbs some social life. I like the "Air Force Academy appointment" option best

 

[VaBusa]

It seems you're situation isn't a lot different than mine. My parents split up right after I turned 15 and the divorce was final a week after my 16th birthday so this car thing was a big issue because my mom didn't make much money at all and was giving my Dad the "you're leaving me with all this" crap... so my dad only actually bought my 1st car.

Maybe some of you will think I am part of this whole lazy ass generation, but if the kid is playing full-time sports with the ability to get a full-ride scholarship (aka no school debt for parents OR student), then he needs to attempt that. That will be much better for him in the long run than a minimum wage weekend job (IF HE STUCK WITH IT)....... I played two years at a junior college (inexpensive) but my last 2 years were played at a private chistian college with about $15k a year in tuition (tuition ONLY) and I graduated without a penny of school debt, nor did my dad pay a penny.

I went to school, practiced from after school until about 5 o'clock every day and played games on the weekends.. At some point homework has to come in and, how I feel, somewhat of a social life... I dont know if his son does well in school but I made sure to bust my butt and got me GPA up high enough that I also got a Tennesse academic scholarship that gave like $5k a year to tuition....

At the end of the day, yes my dad gave me a car, granted this was in 2006 and it was a 94 Thunderbird for $3500.... so it's not like I was given anything new and hip ( BUT IT WAS ALWAYS THE CLEANEST CAR IN THE HIGH SCHOOL PARKING LOT)

It seems the only different between our situation is the drive of the child. I wanted to find a resolution for everything rather than just play the quiet game with my dad.

My parents divorced when I was 12, and my sister was raised by my Dad just like I was. She whined to Mom to get things, she treated our Dad like crap and she never seemed to be able to "find her way", so by default (out of pity I guess), she was the one handed nearly everything, even that first car. What happened to that first car? Who knows? Was that the one she totaled or the one that just died due to lack of routine maintenance?? I, however, worked and earned my place in our humble household, and for that, I still to this day care for the things I have. Same parents, same house, siblings, one gets everything and the other just simply never asks or assumes. We are like night and day. My Dad helped me in ways I could never thank him enough for, but I know every day of my life that lessons learned being raised the way I was (and being the type of kid I was) has gotten me far in my life. I want those same lessons for our kids, and let's be honest here, there's no way Omar and I can or should be expected to give away 5 cars to 5 kids. If we allow a certain precedent to be set now, the other 4 will expect the same. My vote (and Omar's vote) is to hold firm on teaching them some sense of responsibility over entitlement. The only lesson being taught right now is that it's OK to sit back and let Mom fight the battle for what he wants; he's learning that Mom will fix things and give him what he wants; how do you think that'll work in the real world? I think we all know it won't...

Having said that, I applaud you for all the effort you put in to making your way, and the $ you saved your parents with scholarships. Trust me, I have been prepping my two (10 and 12 years old now) for what I expect from them academically since they could hold a pencil They also know they will work for that first car; just how I was raised

You, Tiller, are the exception to the rule nowadays, so don't for a single moment think I lump everyone in the same "useless sack of" bag. I do toss Bots in there though, just because I can

 

[GsxrBots]

You leave my sack out of this, you bag...

 

[Tiller]

The only lesson being taught right now is that it's OK to sit back and let Mom fight the battle for what he wants; he's learning that Mom will fix things and give him what he wants; how do you think that'll work in the real world? I think we all know it won't...

And unfortunately, in your case, it seems that's a lesson that needs to be taught

BTW, I have a sister that is just like your's... She somehow always got what she wanted (from my MOM) because she was never close to my dad... She became super dependent on anyone who was willing to give her SOMETHING.

She a few years older than me with an 8 year old and 1 one year old, both from different dad's and has to have a sugar daddy at any given time to help pay her rent.. she also makes minimum wage a wal-mart and that is probably the best job she has ever had

 

[VaBusa]

( BUT IT WAS ALWAYS THE CLEANEST CAR IN THE HIGH SCHOOL PARKING LOT)

My first was a very faded red '73 Ventura, bought it from my cousin...I was soooo proud of that car, I spent the entire weekend (multiple times) using rubbing compound and wax, trying desperately to get it to shine. My cousin would drive by and I guess since it was his car first, he felt the need to poke fun at my attempts to make her look "new". He'd yell out "You can't polish a turd" but I sure tried

Nowadays, it's Tess I keep clean, and Omar laughs at my many attempts to get her to work in pristine condition while living down a long gravel road

Nothing wrong with taking care of the things you have

 

[skydivr]

It's hard to raise kids when the parents (and stepparents in this case) are not all on the same sheet of music for the child's best interest....

 

[VaBusa]

You leave my sack out of this, you bag...

But it's so squishy...

 

[VaBusa]

FWIW, and I know I talk tough now only having a 6 month old, but I'm not paying for my child's college either. If he wants to go to college, he can get a scholarship or a loan like I and my wife both had to do.

Too easy to flake around in college when you aren't footin' the bill for it..

My Dad sent both my sister and I to college...wasn't easy for him (and a major reason why I ended up leaving a big university for a smaller, close to home university), but I will say this is where my hard work paid off vs my sister's way of just expecting things. She screwed around so much and he pulled the funding; told her when she's serious about it, he'll pay. She never was serious about it and never finished; I did and I am forever thankful for what he did for me...in fact, he was fussing at me months before he passed about the $ I was spending at the store on items he needed because I did all of his shopping for him. I finally told him to stop worrying about "owing" me because he'd put me through college. That seemed to quiet him down a bit, but I meant every word. I am forever grateful for what he did...

 

[VaBusa]

It's hard to raise kids when the parents (and stepparents in this case) are not all on the same sheet of music for the child's best interest....

And that is the number one problem

I'm so thankful my ex and I are pretty much on the same page when it comes to raising our kids. I wish so badly Omar knew what that was like; life is so much easier

 

[dadofthree]

My kids were given 10-12 year old clunkers that cost me around a grand. They hated me

 

[shawnski]

new days.. new generation..it is a different world now these days... the kids always complaining my friends got this and that..
i never owned a car till i was 18 years old and started college, my parents spend 800 dollars and bought me a used 1973 chevy VEGA in 1976..LOL: ( thanks a lot mom and dad) .. but you know i was happy as i can be to have a car but the poor car did not last that long(blown engine)... you older guys should be familiar with chevy vega!!
finally the beginning of the 3rd year of college and getting great grades they bought me a new 1978 trans am TA 6.6..you are talking about me being in heaven!!
i think kids have to earn it somehow, either working and paying for it or doing super good in school..i think this way they value things alot better...

 

[dadofthree]

Oh, that was ten to fifteen years ago, those clunkers run about 10K now-a-days, and the insurance is a couple grand / yr. and gas was 85 cents a gallon need I continue to brighten your day

 

[Fastfrog007]

http://www.topgear.com/au/videos/teenage-kicks-part-1


Beige Volvo or Tess, your choice

 

[rubbersidedown]

new days.. new generation..it is a different world now these days... the kids always complaining my friends got this and that..
i never owned a car till i was 18 years old and started college, my parents spend 800 dollars and bought me a used 1973 chevy VEGA in 1976..LOL: ( thanks a lot mom and dad) .. but you know i was happy as i can be to have a car but the poor car did not last that long(blown engine)... you older guys should be familiar with chevy vega!!
finally the beginning of the 3rd year of college and getting great grades they bought me a new 1978 trans am TA 6.6..you are talking about me being in heaven!!
i think kids have to earn it somehow, either working and paying for it or doing super good in school..i think this way they value things alot better...

I had a Vega when I was 18 too .I did a few MOD's to it thou.

Chevy 307cu.in. V-8, Turbo 350 trans/shift kit,Ford 9 in. rearend...blah blah blah. Fun car,till I rolled it.

OK,back to the kids.

RSD.

 

[Revlis]

Only anecdotal but from what I've seen it really does depend on the kind of Offspring. Some you can hand stuff too and they understand that it's a huge awesome thing, treat it like gold and take of business.

Others... I dunno doesn't seem to matter they are going to be A-holes no matter what... (military for them)

But yeah, my Mom bought me my first car, BUT she acted like the Bank. I HAD to pay her $150 a month or whatever it was plus insurance or the keys just kinda evaporated. Was kind of brilliant, made her life easier cause I no longer needed "rides" (there was no Public transpo) . Though she still retained command authority, cause simply put the car wasn't mine yet. Was a win.

Good luck.

 

[Revlis]

Also,

Nothing says I love you like a Beat to hell Volvo. Nothing less sexy on the road, but keeps the Sexfruit safe.

 

[PACIFICBUSA]

sexfruit? LMAO...I'm gonna use that the first chance I get in any conversations tonight.