Single Topic Debate #19




Projekt

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Here is an odd one.
Airing out the laundry here folks...

What makes a friend a friend?
How do you make a friend, your best method or your personality?
This is not to reference Covey and "How to win friends and influence people".
I want to know what makes you successful in friendship.
Sure you have to apply some techniques when you feel a friendship is on the rocks and is worth keeping up to snuff. However, how can you folks illustrate what makes a person a genuine friend or a casual acquaintance?
Paint a picture for us...

My stance on the issue is that I have to be myself. If people are drawn to me through all of the deep philosophical talk I tend to spout off immediately after introducing myself, we may have a promising future.
In my younger days like my early twenties and adolescence I would try to adapt and change my persona to present some kind of yes man. That approach never got me very far. It didn't get me far in love or friendships either.
Sure, what I am saying is nothing more than the old "Be Yourself" cliche.
I used to be challenged with the question of "Jose, what are you into, what interests you?" I never seemed to be able to say much because I just wasn't into the cookie cutter type stuff like Music or Atari 2600/Nintendo or GI Joe. My thing was cars, speed(velocity) and thought. That expanded to writing, photography, travel and the appreciation of a fine wine or spirit. Not to mention the ladies.
What's your story?
 

Wrath

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I agree on the issue "be yourself" I have gone to meet some of my wifes new freinds & my wife acts totally different and it got us into an arguement. Peaple should like you for whom you are. Like it of leave it.
 

onerabidshark

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be yourself is my philosophy         and if no bonding friendship develops  at least they'll have my respect and I'll have theirs for being real    My outlook anyways
 

Mr Brown

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If people don't like you for who you are, then they are not worth getting to know in the first place. All of us here share at least one common interest, but that is not to say we all are friends. I am sure that some lasting friendships have been made thru this board, I believe I have made some myself, but one should not confuse aquaintances with friends. I know a lot of people, but I don't have many friends.
A joke I read once rings tue here:
Your friend is who you call at 3 am to get you out of jail, your best friend is sitting next to you in the cell saying "How are we gonna get out of this?".........
 

D-Bo

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Yeah, being yourself is the real key. It's hard to do due to the natural urge to want people to like you. I had a hard time with it in my early twenties and before. I am a very outgoing, social, likeable person, and can be the center of attention pretty easily. I used to do that wether I felt like it or not. Nowadays I am cool with the notion that I don't have to entertain people, or be "on" all the time. Plus, if someone isn't the type of person I would be friends with it is a total waste of time making useless chatter. Time is all we have, and I need to use it to enjoy positive relationships or taking care of buisness. This thread really got me thinking. Not what I expected from a Hayabusa forum, but a pleasant surprise.
 

Projekt

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Cool Fellas..
Welcome D-Bo! Kinda far from South Central ain'tcha?
wink.gif
If you enjoy this sort of thing do a search for Single Topic Debate in Random thoughts and you'll see the other 18 that we've mulled over.
I will add that sometimes I find myself being silent without any obvious provocation, my real friends know that it is relatively normal but still ask if everything is cool. So I feel you on that aspect of social gatherings.
 

Projekt

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(KoK-LoL @ Nov. 01 2006,06:02) I agree on the issue "be yourself" I have gone to meet some of my wifes new freinds & my wife acts totally different and it got us into an arguement. Peaple should like you for whom you are. Like it of leave it.
Are the new friends hot? If so just go to enjoy that part...
 

Projekt

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(Mr Brown @ Nov. 01 2006,07:50) I know a lot of people, but I don't have many friends.

A joke I read once rings tue here:
Your friend is who you call at 3 am to get you out of jail, your best friend is sitting next to you in the cell saying "How are we gonna get out of this?".........
Good one, I just hope to not experience that anytime soon.
 

Mr Brown

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(Projekt @ Nov. 01 2006,12:07) I will add that sometimes I find myself being silent without any obvious provocation, .
Me too. I subscribe to the theory: "It is better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt".
That and "Act like you have been there before" are two of my favorite adages.
 

Revlis

Re-Recycled, Busa-Less...
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I've only made four life long friends. The Friends that you KNOW have got your back and are there for you and likewise you are there for them. Friends that you truly love and would take a bullet for.

I'm down to three now and they are all somewhere else in the world. Where I am at now, I have no close friends. I have a few friends, but it's sporatic, don't talk much don't see em' much. They all allready have their close friends and they are nearby so their free time is allready taken up? That make sense?

I've moved too many times, I've been working too many hours. I don't like "going to the Bar" Fug The Bar, there is nothing GOOD at a Bar. Well accept some drinks. So if I find a good bar where I like the environment? I usually cannot stand all the people in it, uptight and full of pretense. But I don't like the dives that much either... There is a lack of Genuine English pubs around....

So everyone at work is all "hey lets go have a few drinks at..." and that just doesn't hold any interest for me.

So what makes a friend?
Shared interests and common experiances, the military was terrific at teaching you what friendship means.

Hell I dunno how to really make friends now that I think about it.... Weird.
 

Justyntym

The Pessimistic Optimist
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I have no friends, my social skills suck, and I don't like people in general.  
coffee.gif



Unless they ride a Busa
super.gif
 

Projekt

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Rev the same holds true for me generally speaking. I have a small number of people that I can call real friends. Funny how you don't actually realize who is your great friend until you need to rely on those you thought are good friends and no-one comes through. Most of the great friends I have are back in the states now. I am here in Sarajevo chasing a dream and living the life.
Seems like everybody I know that is left here has got some sort of issue that prevents wholehearted friendship.. Don't get me wrong there are plenty of good time people to chill with here but would I call them friends? Can't say for sure since I seem to get a balanced love hate from most of them.
 

LadyHawk

w00t!!
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First, they have to accept you for who you are. No pretenses.

Secondly, mutual respect. It's fine to disagree, but agree to disagree. Respect the others opinions, thoughts, beliefs.

Third, share good times AND bad. Be there for each other, no matter what the circumstance.


We have been hanging out with some neighbors a lot. Going for rides, going to festivals, out to dinner, having "movie nights", BBQing on the weekends. Thought they were true friends. But recently noticed a pattern in the relationship. They only want to be around us if they are broke, or something is "wrong" in their world. When times are good, when they have money to go do stuff... they barely find time to wave from across the street. Oh but if they need something... "knock, knock, knock". Or if they don't have money to go bowling or dinner or movies..."knock, knock, knock".

I don't know about GJoker, but I'm done. I don't need "friends" like that.


Ya know, living for 14 years in Florida and I don't have one single CLOSE friend. Oh sure I have tons of acquaintances, but no true friends. No one that would even come bail me out of jail, let alone be sitting there beside me (well, sitting there beside Gjoker and me, lol). Before, no matter where I lived, I had at least one close friend. Florida people are WAY to into themselves to want to worry about any one else.
 

VaBusa

oRg Gal
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I am very fortunate to not only have a best friend close by, but she works with me as well, every stinkin' day of our lives
biggrin.gif


...we have shared all the good and the bad, we are polar opposites in nearly every single way, yet we fit like a pair of slightly damaged worn out pair of shoes!  LOL  We usually know what's wrong with the other without anyone saying a word, have some insanely coincidental aches and pains (the coworkers are scared most days), we got to enjoy pregnancy together with babies born exactly 2 weeks apart in the same hospital, we finish each others' sentences...in a nutshell, we can be ourselves around one another and would do anything for each other...we've had great times, we've had bad times...we've been through a lot and I can't imagine life without her...she's really the first and ONLY true friend I can count on in my life.  It only took me about 26 years to find her and in a sea of men in my life (always had more guy friends than catty gals), she's the only gal I completely trust  
beerchug.gif


Now, if you'll excuse me...she owes me $50 for all the kind stuff I just typed LOL
 

Revlis

Re-Recycled, Busa-Less...
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(LadyHawk @ Nov. 01 2006,11:38) First, they have to accept you for who you are. No pretenses.

Secondly, mutual respect. It's fine to disagree, but agree to disagree. Respect the others opinions, thoughts, beliefs.

Third, share good times AND bad. Be there for each other, no matter what the circumstance.


We have been hanging out with some neighbors a lot. Going for rides, going to festivals, out to dinner, having "movie nights", BBQing on the weekends. Thought they were true friends. But recently noticed a pattern in the relationship. They only want to be around us if they are broke, or something is "wrong" in their world. When times are good, when they have money to go do stuff... they barely find time to wave from across the street. Oh but if they need something... "knock, knock, knock". Or if they don't have money to go bowling or dinner or movies..."knock, knock, knock".

I don't know about GJoker, but I'm done. I don't need "friends" like that.


Ya know, living for 14 years in Florida and I don't have one single CLOSE friend. Oh sure I have tons of acquaintances, but no true friends. No one that would even come bail me out of jail, let alone be sitting there beside me (well, sitting there beside Gjoker and me, lol). Before, no matter where I lived, I had at least one close friend. Florida people are WAY to into themselves to want to worry about any one else.
I miss you and Greg... I really enjoyed hanging out with you guys.

REAL, No pretense, no BS, and just entertaining. Wish you guys were closer...
 

GJoker

Still got love for ya's...
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Thanks Keith! You know we miss having you and the beautiful Ms Pam around here too~

There are very few people I concider friends~ Like Brenda mentioned... we have plenty of aquantainces, but there are only a couple that I can call actual friends~ Both of which have been there for me ever since I was just hitting my 20's~ These are people I know if I had to call for help, of any kind, would be right there without question~ That is what I call a real friend~ Not those that are only there when they need you.. or just there for the good times... and then leave you hanging when you're in a tough spot in your life~
I'm the kinda person that would literally give you the shirt off my back if I felt you really needed it more then I did~ I will do this for just about anyone that I concider a friend... up to and until I feel I'm being taken advantage of~ Then I will cut my looses and turn the other cheek~ Unforunatly there are a lot of people that will take advantage of people like me~
In the 3 years I've been on this forum... I've given away all but one part to those on here in need~ That part was a rear sprocket I just sold to a member well below cost... and only did that because we needed the spare cash at the time~ Although there a lot of good people on this forum that I've come to know in here... ya'll are still just screen names on my computer~ Well most of you... there are a few I could call 'friends' and believe I could count on in a jam~
Basicly... I take the word "friend" about as lightly as I take the word "love"... not very~  
wink.gif
 

JET-A

Wishing I was riding
Donating Member
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I guess I am on the outside on this one. I sincerely try to treat everyone I meet as my best friend, and have been relatively successful. It is up to them to prove they don't deserve to be a friend of mine.
 


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