Single topic debate #12

[thrasherfox]

All kids are differant.

I have three boys.. and what I have to do to get their attention is all differant.

one all I have to do is look at him, he has been pretty much that way since he was 6.

One. I have had to man handle often. he is 12. I have tried everything from talking, reasoning, grounding, spankings, everything he adapts to, the only thing that gets his attention is if I jack him up like a father bear would do to his cub..

Have never done anything out of anger, but I do get his attention. I have told all the boys since they were old enough to understand, I am their dad, it is my job to raise them, not anyone elses..

And my youngets one... jury still out on him, he is kind of in between the middle and the oldest.

And exmpale of my 12 year old, he came home from school once when he was I think 9, he said "Dad, you cant spank me anymore" and I said "why?" he said "because I will call child protective services" (learned it in school dontchat know)

I said.. hmmmm.. interesting.. now get upstairs.. and he looked at me with this scared look and he said.. "uhh for what" I said to get your spanking for threatening me.. you dont EVER threaten me.

So I took him upstais and gave him one swat.. never heard that crap again.

As I said.. EVERY child is differant, our job as parents is to determine what the best method is that will get their attention. some kids never need a spanking, some need one until they are in their teens. I think most however fall in between..

Oh.. and since my boys started taking martial arts since they were 5, and since I was an instructor, I have told them if they get too old to spank, that we will put sparring gear on and they will have a sparring accident..

 

[Projekt]

when you're 6feet 7inches away from the ground, all ya gotta do is get'em eye-level with their feet dangling in mid-air....stare'em straight in the eye, and use that "Hand Of G*D" voice-that scares tha S**T outa kids faster than anything else!!!

but if my kids ever did really get outa line, or mouth-off to me (especially in public); I wouldn't hesitate to smack'em upside the head, I dont care WHO's watching. I tolerate Z-E-R-O disobedience.

That is what I like about these discussions.  You always get creative ways to get through to your kids.
Also, the whole in public thing is good too because it will happen one time and one time only simply due to the humiliation involved.
I observed an event once, back when I used to go to Catholic Church some seven or more years ago. A great guy who was an Air Force Major doing post graduate at Oxford University had a handful of a son who liked to push his buttons. You all know because I think many of us used to do the same to get a silent rise outta the old man back in the day. Well, the Major just about had enough. Grabbed the kid by the trap just to the right of the neck. You know, that "take action" pinch that gets you thinking.. They bolted straight to the bathroom and locked the door. He proceeds to whoop up on the boy, who must have been 12 or 13 by then, for oh, about 30 seconds, doing something like "Wall to wall" counseling. Everybody knew what was going on, it didn't sound good, but all of us, all of the men and the Priest, just glanced at each other with the understanding between us that it is a necessary evil. We were all there once and realised at this age and maturity that, had it not been for our father's corrective efforts we'd probably have a boyfriend in jail right about then...
When they came out nobody looked at the kid, but every last one of us gave the major an almost imperceptible nod --- of approval. Sadly, the man's wife was dying of cancer as it turned out. That reality, the heaviest of all factors, was another compassion inducing truth.

 

[nitrousjunkie]

All kids are differant.

I have three boys.. and what I have to do to get their attention is all differant.

one all I have to do is look at him, he has been pretty much that way since he was 6.

One. I have had to man handle often. he is 12. I have tried everything from talking, reasoning, grounding, spankings, everything he adapts to, the only thing that gets his attention is if I jack him up like a father bear would do to his cub..

Have never done anything out of anger, but I do get his attention. I have told all the boys since they were old enough to understand, I am their dad, it is my job to raise them, not anyone elses..

And my youngets one... jury still out on him, he is kind of in between the middle and the oldest.

And exmpale of my 12 year old, he came home from school once when he was I think 9, he said "Dad, you cant spank me anymore" and I said "why?" he said "because I will call child protective services" (learned it in school dontchat know)

I said.. hmmmm.. interesting.. now get upstairs.. and he looked at me with this scared look and he said.. "uhh for what" I said to get your spanking for threatening me.. you dont EVER threaten me.

So I took him upstais and gave him one swat.. never heard that crap again.

As I said.. EVERY child is differant, our job as parents is to determine what the best method is that will get their attention. some kids never need a spanking, some need one until they are in their teens. I think most however fall in between..

Oh.. and since my boys started taking martial arts since they were 5, and since I was an instructor, I have told them if they get too old to spank, that we will put sparring gear on and they will have a sparring accident..

Good on ya Ron,they are yours is right,you have the responsibility of raising them and preparing them for life and being able to be productive citizens in society.

 

[Projekt]

And example of my 12 year old, he came home from school once when he was I think 9, he said "Dad, you can't spank me anymore" and I said "why?" he said "because, I will call child protective services" (learned it in school dont'cha know)

I said.. hmmmm.. interesting.. now get upstairs.. and he looked at me with this scared look and he said.. "uhh for what" I said to get your spanking for threatening me.. you don't EVER threaten me.

So, I took him upstairs and gave him one swat. Never heard that crap again.

As I said.. EVERY child is differant, our job as parents is to determine what the best method is that will get their attention. some kids never need a spanking, some need one until they are in their teens. I think most however fall in between..

Oh.. and since my boys started taking martial arts since they were 5, and since I was an instructor, I have told them if they get too old to spank, that we will put sparring gear on and they will have a sparring accident..

That is why I have so much respect for you Ron. This shet is great... And, its exactly what I would want to do when the time deemed it necessary...

 

[Projekt]

I will contribute this...
My father is very old fashioned and could be brutal..
Honestly, when I look back and think, I was never on the receiving end of much of his physical or mental brutality, except for when I hit puberty, then, my existence turned into a living hell.
My sisters had it differently, they were the receivers of his worst. My dad is from the country in Mexico, his father was an "Indigenous" his mother is from a progressive and educated (for the period) European background as well as is everyone else in my family. The Mexican indians were oppressed and denied education due to economic reasons... His Dad never went to school, my dad only finished 4th grade and that was not four complete years of education, he only glancingly learned to read and some basic arithmetic... So, his life was handed to him by his old man. He started to plow and sow fields at the age of four and was basically denied what many of us know as a good childhood. He was the provider from an early age and learned some extensively chauvanistic lines of thought... My sisters and mother had to be shoved into those female roles from the jump. I did what a young boy had to do, according to my old man, drag them heavy ass tin garbage cans out to the curb and pick up the lawn clippings. My dad watched his father brutalize his mother and sisters for leaving dishes in the sink. So he did the same to my sisters. Once, at the age of five or six, I ate a cup of jello and thought I ought to wash it, so I grabbed a chair and dragged it over to the sink and proceeded to wash it with my mother's approval. Dad walks in and all hell breaks loose... Mom nearly gets smacked trying to explain her take on things, then my sisters get dragged into it and get their butts worked over. All the while I am watching and I shet you not, screamed "what about me? Hit me too!" My dad lost every ounce of fury right then and started crying. Man, I didn't get it, gender roles and what I had to be, since everybody else was a female in my house. I figured it out though. All grown up now and successful. So, it wasn't so bad...

 

[NightCrawler]

Good topic!!

Spank dat @$$!!

 

[psycobusa]

they need their azzes whooped every once in while, whether they did anything or not

 

[Big Wall]

I would never hit my kids. A swat on the butt lets them know they need to stop what they are doing if they keep pushing things too far after being warned to stop.

 

[Projekt]

I would never hit my kids. A swat on the butt lets them know they need to stop what they are doing if they keep pushing things too far after being warned to stop.

That's not what I heard....

 

[Big Wall]

I would never hit my kids. A swat on the butt lets them know they need to stop what they are doing if they keep pushing things too far after being warned to stop.

That's not what I heard....

Doh!

 

[extreemachine]

Every kid is different. Every incident is different. They all require their own form of punishment. It is hard to generalize a statement like that. I have 3 kids, 9, 10, 12. You would swear all 3 came from 3 different parents. Different make ups and dispositions and thoughts about what scares them and what makes sense when they do something wrong and what sinks in and stays with them. I have been in stores and raised my voice at one of them because they were at each others throats for 3 hours prior, I was sick not feeling good myself etc.. and some lady would look over at stare at me like I was the devil and watching to see if she should call child protective services. Thats a joke! I asssume. I told her to go scratch and mind her own business short story. But... I do believe sometimes a child needs to be spanked. Once in awhile. If it is the regular punishment for x, y ,z then no you need to find another way to handle the problems. But for a big problem or a reoccuring thing that is not getting resolved then yes and make it memorable to stick with them so you do not have to do it again. There is my 2 cents.

 

[whitefire]

wow, all great responses. i only have one child - girl, almost 8...  i haven't read it here but would add, i do not punish her for "1st offense" things that she has done wrong.  if it is her first time doing something wrong, i don't spank her but i do let it be known she is to not do it again and i explain my reasons why.  it has been only her and i since she was 10 months old, soooo... she is used to only me being the one to discipline her.

when she was little (around 3), when out in public and she'd pitch a fit... you know the kind where everyone stares at you to see how you react... instead of raising my voice, i'd lean close to her face and whisper (she'd have to quiet down to hear what i say) and i'd tell her to look around because everyone was staring at HER... she'd get embarassed when realizing people were watching her.  other then that, i'd continue my shopping or whatever, as if nothing was happening... ignoring her and not letting her get a reaction out of me would get her to stop pretty quick.  people would look at me and i simply would look back and smile and say hi... that confused them usually and they would turn away...

silly people.    

what's funny is that i know things i have told her actually stick in her head.  she had a friend who was difficult, would talk back to her own parents and to me.  i would simply stop whatever activities we were doing and take this little girl home.  upon saying it isn't fair and start crying, my daughter told her "my mom says life isn't fair.  oh and tears don't work on my mom".  don't get me wrong, my daughter has received a butt whopping or two... they just aren't that frequent because i let her know early on what i expect of her and what the consequences will be.  she also knows i have no tolerance for whining and she gets sent to her room til she can talk to me in a manner i can understand what she's saying and she has an answer for me about why she did things... an answer other than "i don't know".  

i started early with "correcting" her.  heck, i had her singing cadance, doing push-ups and sit-ups at the age of 3.

 now, it still works to wear her ass out by having her do sit-ups til she can't anymore or even better (riding boots can be heavy) i have her stand with her arms out to her sides holding my boots... til her arms are ready to fall off.  and to think she still tells me i'm the best mommy in the world...



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[Projekt]

wow, all great responses. i only have one child - girl, almost 8...  i haven't read it here but would add, i do not punish her for "1st offense" things that she has done wrong.  if it is her first time doing something wrong, i don't spank her but i do let it be known she is to not do it again and i explain my reasons why.  it has been only her and i since she was 10 months old, soooo... she is used to only me being the one to discipline her.

when she was little (around 3), when out in public and she'd pitch a fit... you know the kind where everyone stares at you to see how you react... instead of raising my voice, i'd lean close to her face and whisper (she'd have to quiet down to hear what i say) and i'd tell her to look around because everyone was staring at HER... she'd get embarassed when realizing people were watching her.  other then that, i'd continue my shopping or whatever, as if nothing was happening... ignoring her and not letting her get a reaction out of me would get her to stop pretty quick.  people would look at me and i simply would look back and smile and say hi... that confused them usually and they would turn away...

silly people.    

what's funny is that i know things i have told her actually stick in her head.  she had a friend who was difficult, would talk back to her own parents and to me.  i would simply stop whatever activities we were doing and take this little girl home.  upon saying it isn't fair and start crying, my daughter told her "my mom says life isn't fair.  oh and tears don't work on my mom".  don't get me wrong, my daughter has received a butt whopping or two... they just aren't that frequent because i let her know early on what i expect of her and what the consequences will be.  she also knows i have no tolerance for whining and she gets sent to her room til she can talk to me in a manner i can understand what she's saying and she has an answer for me about why she did things... an answer other than "i don't know".  

i started early with "correcting" her.  heck, i had her singing cadance, doing push-ups and sit-ups at the age of 3.

 now, it still works to wear her ass out by having her do sit-ups til she can't anymore or even better (riding boots can be heavy) i have her stand with her arms out to her sides holding my boots... til her arms are ready to fall off.  and to think she still tells me i'm the best mommy in the world...

Wow girl you have some of the most beautiful parenting stories. Particularly the pitching a fit in the store correction techniques. Just marvelous..
Can I tell you a secret? Yes? Okay the truth is I don't have children.... Never said I did... But, I really want some, with the right woman.

 

[MoosesBusa]

My 6yo Angelic Boy lost his mind in a restaurant today. Thought Lunch time was nap time and decided to lay down with his feet in the aisle. I informed him very nicely that laying down was a true sign of being tired and if he was that tired we would go home and he could nap BUT he would have to sit up and either lean against me or the corner of the booth and wait unitl Mom and I were done eating. Long story short, I got a pair of feet on my right shoulder whilst my angelic Son was laying on his back with his head in the aisle. I said nothing, scooted him out of the seat and outside we went. I swatted him on the butt while counting to 5. One swat per number. Told him that his behaviour was unacceptable and it was unfortunate his actions resulted in a sore butt. Picked him up, gave him a hug while walking back inside and said let's see if we can behave a little better.
Apparently he thought i was kidding. 5 minutes later there's my boy in a horizontal position. Spanking was obviously ineffective so i changed up. Informed him since he was SO TIRED he would be spending the rest of the day in his bedroom in his bed laying down. That was at 1:30. We got home @ 2pm He'll be happy to get outta the bed in the morning and I'll Bet the next time he goes to lay down in a rest. he'll think twice.
Moral of the story ... While spankings CAN be effective, they are not the ONLY punishment available to parents and not always the MOST effective.

 

[Big Wall]

Moral of the story ... While spankings CAN be effective, they are not the ONLY punishment available to parents and not always the MOST effective.

Absolutely true. When they are tired, sometimes nothing will work.

 

[MrGxr]

My kids are 12 (boy) and 16 (girl) and I haven't had to spank them in years. Yes, at one point they both would be disiplined with a spank or two on the rear when necessary... necessary meant they had been talked to twice before for the same thing and then the spanking came. you know, pull them aside and let them know they have crossed the line and should pull back... continues... pulled aside a second time (with stern and low voice) "you have crossed the line and this is your second warning... if I have to talk to you one more time its going to be a spanking and I don't care where we are and who is here... capise!).. that works today, but in the past we would have to take the next step and spank them on the bottom to make a point.
Now, we have moved on to taking privileges away when necessary. Poor grades in school, mouthing off to adults, not coming in at kerfew, etc.. they have one privilege taken away... not able to use phone, no video games, no leaving the front of the house, etc... depending on who the violator is depends on the punishment and the offense determines the level of punishment. Ditch school and you have lost the phone, going out, TV and you have gained the privilege of extra chores around the house to keep you busy. (ask my Daughter she loves this one)... miss several homework assignments in one week... you just got your playstation and gamecube taken away and extra chores until grades come back up. (son loves this one). Sometimes its to the point that my Wife and I don't have any chores around the house cause the kids are taking care of them.

Like stated before it depends on the kid and what they did...

We have always used "ABC"... attitude + behavior = consequences

Good is rewarded with good and bad is rewarded with bad (at least in their eyes).
got to remember to hit them where it hurts... what they like to do most and what they hate doing the most and don't back down once the punishment is set.

 

[DAB]

Sometimes it's the parents that need the spanking...

Some "parents" seem to have no concept of discipline and they wonder why their kids are behaving like spoiled brats and bouncing off the walls at the supermarket checkout etc.

Watch that series "Supernanny" on TV and you'll see how it should be done.

Most kids want direction/guidance, but if they don't get the message from the parents that they're not the ones in charge, and need to respect their elders, chaos ensues.

 

[MrGxr]

Most kids want direction/guidance, but if they don't get the message from the parents that they're not the ones in charge, and need to respect their elders, chaos ensues.

Absolutely, give them direction and guidance and set the boundries that they must live within... then hold to those boundries, don't readjust to fit the situation.

 

[unkleslapnutz]

Good topic. I dont have any kids. But I do have a godson that is soon to be nick named Damien. He needs more spankings than he gets

.. I was spanked/beat as a kid. My father wa brought up in Yugoslavia under an extemely hard house/houses. He first met his father when he was 14 and in American (Grandapa defected because he was wanted for being a freedom fighter) Anyho when they met my dad said Grandpa smacked him and told him it was to show him who was in charge. From there on it was pretty much constant for my dad...some I know he deserved some not. My aunt has said she is surprised he lived. Well that carried on over to his children. There was a warning and then a smack. Most of the time across the mouth and then another if i cried too long. Got worse as I got older because in his mind I became tougher. Up until I was 17 and 4 inches taller than him. He smacked me and before I could stop myself I punched him....I really thought I was going to die that night but I didnt and he never hit me again. It was all a control issue with him. I understand it more now that I am older and we have a GREAT relationship.

That being said I dont advocate beating or abusing a child. But I do belive in a spanking. For some kids it is a must. Some parents just have anger issues like my father did. But then you get thoes kids where taking away or time out just dosnt work. Case in point my little god son....spoiled to no end and now is a terror and is THAT kid in walmart screaming because he cant get the toy. His mom asked me (cause his father is deployed) what she should do...I said spank him....Her responce was what if someone says something..to which i replied "tell them they are next and to mind their own business"


Long story short....Spank your kids....their screaming is getting on my nerves

 

[Projekt]

Great story their Unkle...
Where in Yugoslavia are your family roots from.. I live in Sarajevo... Been here for a couple-three years...
Jose