Serious topic, for me anyway...

I feel your pain M!!

...I had done that as a child to my biological parents!! They really harresed me a lot... talked shid to me all the time when I went to vist them with my adoptive parents!! I've got over it now... but I know the feeling
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Just for the record, im still with my adopted parents... and I love ema lot
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I'm sorry...sounds like tough times and nothing you needed...

I'm glad things are good with your adoptive parents though...anyone can be a donor, but true parents just need unconditional love...
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Thanks guys...I'll be fine...
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sounds like you did what ya had too Va Just be strong You have other very important reason to keep things happy(no drama) around your house you've posted pics of them(kiddos)
 
No worries guys...part of life and living in a completely dysfunctional family!
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Been a long time coming...and I'm clearly NOT alone in this type of decision judging from all the stories here...
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Thanks Wag and stkr...I'll be okay...I feel better today than yesterday to be honest...I'm still questioning if what I've decided is right or not, but what's done is done and I don't plan on going back...the most I am willing to do is sit and talk to my sister rationally if she's allow it...I'm willing to listen to her, but not if she's going to yell at me...

I don't see her allow any of that, so I will just go from here and hope she realizes that she needs help on her own or with some encouragement from her husband...best I can do...

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FWIW, I think you've done the right thing.  For a LOT of reasons which I won't detail here since they're mostly possibilities anyway.  Besides, you'll discover for yourself the positive effects over time.

Doesn't make it any easier, I know but you'll be more okay than you think.

:HUG:

--Wag--



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Thanks Wag and stkr...I'll be okay...I feel better today than yesterday to be honest...I'm still questioning if what I've decided is right or not, but what's done is done and I don't plan on going back...the most I am willing to do is sit and talk to my sister rationally if she's allow it...I'm willing to listen to her, but not if she's going to yell at me...

I don't see her allow any of that, so I will just go from here and hope she realizes that she needs help on her own or with some encouragement from her husband...best I can do...

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FWIW, I think you've done the right thing.  For a LOT of reasons which I won't detail here since they're mostly possibilities anyway.  Besides, you'll discover for yourself the positive effects over time.

Doesn't make it any easier, I know but you'll be more okay than you think.

:HUG:

--Wag--
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"Killing typo fairies"

I see I don't command the Engrish ranguage...suck to re-read a post and see mistakes...
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Anywho...thanks Wag...I appreciate that...
 
Didn't want you to think your post went unnoticed.....

Family dynamics are very hard to work through...I kept hoping when I was younger that things would get easier, but in fact they seem to get more and more difficult as I get older.  Given the difference in the dynamics of your family vs. my family, I can't really comment on everything you've mentioned.  But, I can relate to the "Mom" side of things...

My Mom and I are opposites...I'm so much like my Dad, I can see why they never made the marriage last...just too different...one is more high strung (Mom) and one is laid back (Dad)...one's a worrier (Dad) and one's the kind of person that would just rather "not know" about problems (Mom)...

Throughout high school, my Mom was very much like your Mom.  It felt like she was always critical when I didn't understand the criticism...I was an A-B student, graduated 6th in my class, respectful to everyone around me, never in the middle of controversy, drug free, etc...just an everyday good kid, but I always felt like my Mom picked me apart over the smallest of things...when I got engaged to Mike after YEARS of dating, my Mom's comment to me was "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" meaning she didn't approve of my choice in a husband.  When I went to college and left after the first semester, she blamed Mike...when I decided to have a big party and then elope to Key West to get married, she and I had a fallout and she never even knew when I left to get married...it was a tough time, hell, growing up was a tough time.  Now that I'm older, I think my Mom's intentions were good, though her way of approaching me with concerns sucked.  She wanted me to have better in life...she wanted me to go to college, marry a doctor, have everything in life she always wanted...it's EVERY parents dream for their kids...it's normal...

But, I got myself grounded, married, got back in to college...just concentrated on ME for a while and let her watch from afar as I "grew up".  Over time, she snuck back in to my life and in time, she was the main person in my life that helped me through infertility procedures for 6 years, two pregnancies...she has done so much for me in the last 10 years, I have come to love and appreciate her more than I ever thought I would.  I hope that she feels the same toward me; I've done my best to help her cope with her losing her husband, with all of this stuff with my sister, etc...

My point is that even though you may feel things will never get better, they indeed can, and most likely will when you least expect it.  When I got married, I was so upset with my mother, I was at the point where I honestly didn't want her in my life anymore...too many years of hurt, too much drama...but, we are very close now and we've both changed for the better.

You be you, and let your Mom be herself...try to let her know you love her always, and hopefully she'll do the same...in time, you may find that you are now very close and won't remember the days when things seemed to distant as they are now...hopefully things will get better with your Dad too...I'd imagine watching "Daddy's little girl" grow up is very hard...I know my Dad has had some tough times watching his girls grow up and in to who we are today...

I think all of these challenges in families are normal...I hope things get better for you...
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Thank you very much Michelle. I am happy that things turned around for the better between you and your mom, and I definately pray things change with time on my side. It hurts a lot and it's hard trying to pretend that nothing's happening and just keep on going with my "normal" life. I hope she realizes time is flying by, it can never be recovered and we are wasting it big time.

I pray things with your sister clear out soon!
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I wasn't raised by my family, I escaped. I have walked away from so many I don't even cry over it any more. Still hurts though, and I still see most of them in my dreams (and before you ask, no they aren't all happy dreams either)

Not gonna air personal stories here - if you want support or someone to talk to hit me with a PM. Pretty much every form of abuse under the sun somewhere in my immediate family - lots and lots of 'campfire stories' as Diesel calls them.
 
Let me interject here that while I was in school and since then I have never used drugs, drank alcohol, smoked anything legal or not. I graduated still a virgin, didn't get knocked up in HS or anything. Basically was a good kid and didn't cause her any BIG worries. The worst thing she could say about me as a kid was I got mostly C's on my report card.
Hmm...not meaning to hijack the thread VA, but I would like to comment on Nijinsky3's post; and maybe even get some help at once.

All teenagers have had at some point differences with their parents.  As most of you might have noticed, hispanic cultures tend to be more uptight that others and parents tend to be over-protective...especially when it's a girl.

Well in my house I am the baby...I only have one brother who is 9 years older than me.  We get along wonderfully, it couldn't be any better; he's my best friend.  I was borned and raised in PR, moved to FL when I was 16 y/o.  My whooole life changed and with that attitude also changed.  Well...apart from the natural change of life as a teenager, hormones acting up, etc; I also had to deal with starting a complete new life.  Other than my parents I didn't know anyone here, no family, no friends...just letters, and letters, and more letters.  With God's help I was able to surpass all those changes positively and started college, working, driving, etc.

Now on to my parents, whom I love dearly; but can't understand and frustrate the heck out of me sometimes.

I've always been daddy's little girl...and I know I'll always be no matter if I'm 90 y/o.  This is not always something good.  
My dad has not caught up yet to the fact that I am 25 y/o, capable of making my own decisions and that generations have changed since he was raised.  I've had huge arguments with him just for having a different point of view/opinion on something, for not doing things the way they used to during his time, for not been open to them, and the list goes on.  One of the most popular arguments is not having a relationship with my mom.

On to mom...
My mom is not a normal mom...at least IMHO.  She's great with everyone else, she adooooores my brother...but when it comes to me, everything is different.  She has never been my best friend, or a friend for that matter.  Although she's been there for me sometimes, she hasn't been there as a "normal" mom is.  She's not affectionate, not easy to talk to, not easy to please, loves to find all faults when one does something just because you didn't do it like she does.  She never liked going to my games (of any sport) cuz she rather watch the novelas, she never taught me anything about a menstrual cycle...school did, and when it came my dad was the one there for me mostly.  I've never been able to sit down and talk to her about "girl stuff", or problems I may have.  
The latest...I finally after going thru hell and back, found the love of my life and for whom I'm very grateful to God.  Well...we got engaged on May 28th...when we gave them the news there was no congratulations, just complaining of why he didn't go to talk to them first, why it wasn't done in a family reunion, etc.  Ohh not to mention how she just started going at it with:  now you can learn about responsibilities, and mainting a household, etc.  
We had been planning the wedding even before we got engaged...so after it was official I decided to try one more time and get though to her...sat down and started telling her about our plans, showed her the wedding dress I liked from the ones I tried, the bridemaids dressed, the ideas, colors, etc.  Her reaction: just a vague noding, not a single word.  Well, I may add that thanks to that all the wedding plans are out.  My brother and I decided to have a very familiar double wedding with just the 3 families...no big ceremony, just church and a dinner at a restaurant; since they don't really seem to be willing to participate.  The only one who's been a little more receptive has been dad trying to help us finding a place to live to have before we marry.

Ok so...mind you that I have NEVER smoke anything in my life, NEVER used or even tried drugs, always gotten good grades, work and study full-time, as hard as school has been I haven't given up, I have gotten home past 3am maybe 3 times (in about 3 years), I rarely go out (even with my fiancé), I've always at least tried to do things within their approval (except for the past year when I got fed up) and at 25 y/o I am still a virgin and have been doing things accordingly, anything else?

So why is it that I still seem not good enough for them?  Why is it that they seem to be disappointed in me?  That everything I do, no matter how hard I try is wrong?  

Anybody?

Sorry for the long e-mail...I guess I needed to vent.  
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Vanessa....

As Michelle points out....move on with your life and maybe she will get better later. Maybe she won't, but you need to do what makes YOU happy and stop trying to please her or anyone else when they are so unreasonable.

No matter what I would have done, my mother would STILL tell me I wasn't good enough. You think they want you to marry a doctor so YOU can be taken care of, but sometimes it has nothing to do with you....it's what SHE wants.

I forgot the story of how she tried to force me to marry our jewler's brother so I could get him (he is very well off) to buy HER a new car!
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Gee....nothing like mommy wanting "the best"......FOR HERSELF! People always think I am joking when I tell this story, but it is the truth. Yes, she actually told me this! I guess I wasn't shocked at the time becuse I know how she is. But when I tell other people they are appalled.

My advice....try what I did....cut ties, don't call her or return her calls. Get to work on YOUR new life that is beginning. Concentrate on being happy with this wonderful man you have and building a life and home together. Once you are comfortable with things and are sure that her negativity will not affect you like this (it may take years), then maybe allow her back in...but on YOUR TERMS!

Whatever you do, if this man you love is really as great as you think, DO NOT EVER let your parents come between you two. Trust me, I have experience on this! SHe can re-enter your life, but only if she follows the rules that you and the new hubby are comfortable with. She needs to know her limits. Sad to say, but you will now be the parent! LOL

Stand your ground! It isn't easy, but you will see how much less stressful your life will become.
 
Oh, and congrats BIG TIME on the engagement....don't let people who aren't happy for you dull the happiness!
 
I prety much cut ties with my half sister when I was a teenager .(now 37) Doesn't bother me a bit. I'm not missing anything. I don't hardly even talk with my mother, and before dad died I only spoke with them about 3-4 times a year. Hollidays, birthdays Etc. After I was old enough to see the crap they pulled all my life, I'm better off without. But then again, feelings and emotions are not my strong points. Hungry, horny, happy, and angry are about all there is here.

Do what is right for YOU. Your husband and children are your only "real" responsiblilites for commitment. And as allways your true friends will be here to help you through any trouble you may have.

Later,

Steve
 
yikes....

I'm gonna hafta sit on this one, Em...it appears I don't have as good of a command on my brain as I thought I had. Serves me right for quitting drinking coffee....

All I can say at the moment is that things happen for a reason...a reason that more often than not is under-appreciated and misunderstood at the moment it actually does happen.

A perfect example? There's a reason why I don't have my darn COFFEE ON MY DESK!!!! I don't undrestand why, but I'm assuming that there's a gooooood reason. It better be...honestly.
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But, as it is, I'm just waiting for the grand scheme of things to play out.


I think I'll stop now...I don't seem to making all that much sense. Chin up, Em...we're rootin for ya.
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You're just funny Pac...
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Thanks guys...hey, life goes on, right?  Time will tell how this plays out...thanks for trying to reply Pac...
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thanks, Em...

Sorry I couldn't produce a little something more....sheesh, it's been a day already and I still can't seem to find the right words. So sorry...
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If anything, though, you know how to reach me...I'd be more than willing to spend some time and chat with ya on it. Sound good?
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You'll come outta this just fine, girl.
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I've done it and didn't regret it a bit...You can't be the crutch forever...Sometimes you just have to let them face the hard knocks of life...Sometimes they learn, sometimes they don't...
 
You're just funny Pac...
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Thanks guys...hey, life goes on, right? Time will tell how this plays out...thanks for trying to reply Pac...
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Blood is thicker than water, but disrespect is unacceptable, no matter who is involved. You are doing the right thing, hopefully she will come around.



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Oh, and congrats BIG TIME on the engagement....don't let people who aren't happy for you dull the happiness!
Thank you veeeeeery much!


About the previous post...
Thank you for the advise. I still live at home with my parents and the situation is frustrating at times, yet it has been tolerable I guess 'cause I learned to let things go over my head or just not dreading them. They are both veeery happy with my fiancé and his family...since the families new each other for about a year (from church) before we actually met; so everyone gets along well. I just don't understand how my friend's mom tells her my mom said she's very happy and excited about me getting married; yet she doesn't show ME any type of emotion regarding the issue. That really burns me up!!!

We'll see how everything develops as the date gets closer.
 
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