Risque jokes

[darth frosty]

No cursing but of a adult nature.






















This is what we have been waiting for...the true answers to...

5 really important Questions:

Q1: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for "suck here".

Q2. WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, only "down under."

Q3. WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q4. WHY ARE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they
take your house and car with them.


Q5. WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch


HOW TO MAKE LOVE



Ingredients:


4 Laughing eyes

4 Well-shaped legs

4 Loving arms

2 Firm milk containers

2 Nuts

1 Fur-lined mixing bowl

1 Firm banana



Directions:


1. Look into laughing eyes.

2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.

3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.

4 Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.

5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).

6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat 4 steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.


Notes:


1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.

2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.

3. If cake rises, leave town.

 

[extreemachine]

 

[GSXRFANN]

 

[rubbersidedown]

A city bus is travelling along,it stops and a middle-aged man climbs on. At the next stop a punk rocker gets on.He's the tipical rocker dood with the chains,earings and the green,red and yellow mohawk hairdoo.He takes a seat opposite the man. The man starts to stare.After awhile,the punker gets pissed off. He glares at the man and shouts "Haven't you ever done anything stoopid in your life?" as he points to his mohawk hairdoo.

The man's answers quite calmly.... "Ya,I have.I fugged a parrot once,and was wondering if you might be my son?"


RSD.

 

[dadofthree]

If the cake rises leave town

 

[Tchill2much]

 

[bradsbusa]

 

[motogp08]

(rubbersidedown @ Jun. 04 2007,14:25) A city bus is travelling along,it stops and a middle-aged man climbs on. At the next stop a punk rocker gets on.He's the tipical rocker dood with the chains,earings and the green,red and yellow mohawk hairdoo.He takes a seat opposite the man. The man starts to stare.After awhile,the punker gets pissed off. He glares at the man and shouts "Haven't you ever done anything stoopid in your life?" as he points to his mohawk hairdoo.

 The man's answers quite calmly.... "Ya,I have.I fugged a parrot once,and was wondering if you might be my son?"

 
 RSD.

I gotta hand it to ya Rubb, you're a COMEDIAN!

 

[motogp08]

I've got two for ya...

One day there is this woman that goes to the beach with her friends. Only she has no arms or legs.

They get to the beach and her friends ask, "do you need anything before we go?"

She say's, "no thanks, i'm fine." and her friends go swimming.

While her friends are swimming, she look's up and winks and the lifeguard. So he comes down and ask's, "do you need anything mam?"

She say's, "i've never been hugged before, will you hug me?"

He thinks for a minute and then hugs her and goes back up to his post.

Her friends come back to check on her a little while later and ask, "you need anything yet?" She replies, "nope, still fine." So they go back out swimming.

A little while later she looks up and winks at the lifeguard again. So he comes down and walks over to her. Once close, he asks, "do you need anything mam?"

She replies, "i've never been kissed before, will you kiss me?"

He thinks for a minute, then kisses her and goes back up on the watch tower.

Then a little bit later her friends come up to check on her again and ask, "you sure you don't need anything?"

She replies, "no, i'm fine guys, really."

They say, "okay," and go out swimming again.

Well, a little later she looks up and winks at the lifeguard again and he comes and asks, "you need something again mam?"

She says, "i've never had sex before, will you have sex with me?"

He thinks for a good five minutes, reaches down, picks her up and carries her out to the ocean a ways away from her friends. Then he throws her in and yells, "now you're fugged!!"

 

[hayadooin]

 

[motogp08]

And the other one...



One day three men die and are sent to hell. An alcoholic, a sexoholic, and a pothead. When they get there satan say's, "you will be locked up in a room for 10000 years with anything you want, so what will it be?"

The first guy says, "i want to be locked in a room with beer since he's an alcoholic."

Satan say's, "okay, and locks him in the room with all the beer he'll ever want."

The second guy, the sexoholic say's, "i want women." So satan locks him in a room with all the women he'll ever need.

The third guy, the pot-smoker say's, "i want weed." So satan locks him in a room with all the weed he'll ever want.



Ten thousand years go by and satan goes to let them out.

He opens the first door and puke and alcohol come pooring out of the room coating the floor in puke an alcohol.

Then the alcoholic comes out and say's, "i never want to see alcohol AGAIN!"

Then he goes to open the second door which is the sexoholic's. He opens it and the man come's crawling out, look's up, and weakily say's, "i never want to see a woman AGAIN!"

Then satan goes to open up the third door, which is the pot-smokers door. When he opens it the man is standing in the doorway bawling his eyes out.

Satan asks, i gave you all the weed you'll ever need, what's the problem?

The man then replies through his tears, "got a light?"

 

[motogp08]

One more, my hands are tired...



One day there's a man sunbathing naked on the beach when a little girl walk's by.

She points at his penis and asks, "what is that?"

The man replies, "it's my birdie."

Then the man falls asleep.




A little while later, the man wakes up in the emergency room and he's got a HORRIBLE pain in his crotch, and he thinks back to that little girl.

He goes and finds her on the beach and say's, "i woke up a few minutes ago in the ER with a terrible pain in my groin, what happened?"

She say's, "i was playing with your birdie and it spat at me, so i cracked it's neck, broke it's eggs, and burnt it's nest."

 

[proud dad]