Really Need your advice guys! Culture Question.

steelhead

steelhead

Registered
Guys, your opinion is needed for a Canadian expat living in Korea. How to explain this...hmm...

Cultural Barrier?

The word "M....f....K...er", when used between friends in USA and Canada, is not normally an insult, but as a colorful way to quip  at each other. Of course, between adversaries, it is not a joke.

But my Korean friend, a highly educated individual in English as a second language, was recently insulted when I jokingly said, in response to his joke that I had an ugly face: "You M*therf*ck**er! I'm gonna kick your ass for that one!".  Another Canadian, who heard it, also thought it was framed as a joke, which was the exact intention. I and my Canadian friend both understood it as a joke, but not the Korean.

The tone was very light. I explained this to the Korean that it was a light joke, but he literally took serious offense. He actually interpreted it without any cultural understanding of its common vernacular. Understand, we have been joking around with each other for eight months with no problems.

But he somehow doesn't get it. For instance, we use these following expressions:

(1) You're one bad "M.....K....er".
(2) "M.....K....er!"
(3) Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction): One Bad "M...K....er"
Samuel L. Jackson Bad Mofo Wallet. Pulp Fiction Classic

See this wikipedia website:
Wikipedia Entry

How can I explain this to my Korean friend?

Thanks,
SteelHead
 
You will have to tell him that you really don't think he has carnal knowledge of his mother, it is just a way of adding emphasis to your statement. Tell him that it is a friendly insult, in much the same tone as a woman might tell another woman "Shut up b!tch..."
Oh, and you might refrain from telling him that again!!!
Hope it helps.....
 
Asians have a stange "fine line" of sorts... where up to that line is acceptable but beyond that line is completely unacceptable.

Perhaps there were too many curse words in the sentence. Perhaps it was speaking about his mother or any mother. Perhaps it was the act associated with a mother. Who knows.

Having been in the service, I had several eastern friends whom I shared some of these type of "hiccups" with. My personal experience is that you should not try, at this point, to explain yourself or what you said. As, this will just make him feel he does not fit in and that he does not have a valid reason to be offended - even though his cultural upbringing (and everything he's made of) tells him otherwise. Instead, ask him to explain what it was that insulted him so greatly. This has typically helped me to both understand where he is coming from and makes him feel like I'm not forcing him to adapt to my culture but rather that I too, am willing to adapt to his. Thus, he understands that I value his friendship. Once that has been established then perhaps you can go back, if necessary, and explain your use of the phrase.

Above all, apologize profusely (which I'm sure you've already done).
 
just explain to him the meaning of "F%$Kem if they cant take a joke".









on second thought go with the above advise
all_coholic.gif
 
ah yea, how far society has twisted things.... garbage is good, sick is great, bad is good.

M. F'r is, was and always shall be, a derogatory term and should never be used, ever. The fact that another culture sees it like it is is proof in the pudding. I thnk it's a good thing they point it out and make you rethink the use fo the terminology. Do you want littel girlfriends calling yoru daughter a b!tch? or your wife a wh ore? probably not even in jest.

just an opinion. it's moral corruption I say! Moral Corruption!
biggrin.gif
 
(WWJD @ Nov. 10 2006,10:50) ah yea, how far society has twisted things....   garbage is good, sick is great, bad is good.

M. F'r is, was and always shall be, a derogatory term and should never be used, ever.   The fact that another culture sees it like it is is proof in the pudding.  I thnk it's a good thing they point it out and make you rethink the use fo the terminology.  Do you want littel girlfriends calling yoru daughter a b!tch?  or your wife a wh ore?  probably not even in jest.

just an opinion.       it's moral corruption I say!   Moral Corruption!  
biggrin.gif
Click to expand...
100 percent agree
 
(WWJD @ Nov. 10 2006,10:50) ah yea, how far society has twisted things....   garbage is good, sick is great, bad is good.

M. F'r is, was and always shall be, a derogatory term and should never be used, ever.   The fact that another culture sees it like it is is proof in the pudding.  I thnk it's a good thing they point it out and make you rethink the use fo the terminology.  Do you want littel girlfriends calling yoru daughter a b!tch?  or your wife a wh ore?  probably not even in jest.

just an opinion.       it's moral corruption I say!   Moral Corruption!  
biggrin.gif
Click to expand...
I call it morally bankrupt. I agree with you, but I don't think it's my place to judge what a grown man says to another grown man. I just tried to help with what he asked for......
 
This situation is similar to the word:

So* of a *itch.  

I've oft heard the above word used when someone is astounded at a great achievement against all odds, or in other cases, when people are condemning each other.

....on another note...

In Victorian Times, the English language and its literature was at a higher form than it is today in terms of prose and speech. But would such linguistic evidence be enough to judge the moral characteristics of the times, from one age to another? Were Victorian Times less morally bankrupt or corrupt than today? I point to women's suffrage, equality rights, democratic rights, freedom of religion. For example, did Victorians like one lump or two lumps of sugar with their sexual repression?

The English language evolves with popular culture, fashion, and vernacular trends.  Words lose their meanings and gain new ones, creating art in the way they are spoken.  It is an urban canvas of thoughts and expressions in the way they are shared, creating new and dynamic forms of content. You've probably heard of this theory before.

In the proper context, and I stress context, I find many contemporary words hip, urban, and liberating.  It is wonderful stuff and I feel that my Korean friend may have misunderstood my use of words which did not intend moral offense or judgement.
 
What's interesting to me is the dynamic of culture. If you're a visitor, you are responsible for learning and understanding the culture of the place you're visiting so that you don't offend.

I heard a story about two guys who decided it would be a good idea to take pictures of each other sitting on the head of a Buddha statue in Thailand. When the photos were developed, the photo jockey was shocked and turned the pictures in to the police. The two were arrested and with some extreme political maneauvering by the embassy in that area, managed to get out of the country alive.

Well, that story is anecdotal and considering the source, I don't even know if it's true or not. Still, trespassing on the morality and culture of another country is risky business.

What I find the most interesting is the question of, who's culture takes precedence? Is it the responsibility of the other guy to suppress his offense or your responsibility to apologize profusely? Explaining one's own culture in another country is likely not going to work well.

--Wag--
 
Definitely, my bad. But my Korean friend prided himself on being foreign educated and international (USA). He really enjoyed speaking English.

But I guess he was not prepared for full English mode, formal and informal.
 
Just ask him if he has ever slept with anyone that has had kids, you know a mother.
If he has, then he is in fact, a mother****er and the only person that he can get mad at for it is himselt.

That term does not denote who the mother is, if you are having sex with your wife who just happens to be the mother of your children, take pride, your a mother****er.

DISCLAIMER>>>>
If you are from some of those "other" states, then the term might just in fact refer to your own mother in which case you need to move to open up the family tree just a bit, trees are supposed to have a canopy of sorts on top, not just a straight line.
 
Hmmm... in spanish we use the term Mother F#$%er like in english... between buddies it's just a light hearted insult to which no offense is taken, but with adversaries it can be a big insult also...
The best thing to do IMO, is to apologize, ask him why it offended him so much, tell him that's not how you meant it, and tell him you will try to not use it again... and just laugh off the cultural differences
smile.gif
 
(steelhead @ Nov. 10 2006,09:40) This situation is similar to the word:

So* of a *itch.

I've oft heard the above word used when someone is astounded at a great achievement against all odds, or in other cases, when people are condemning each other.

....on another note...

In Victorian Times, the English language and its literature was at a higher form than it is today in terms of prose and speech. But would such linguistic evidence be enough to judge the moral characteristics of the times, from one age to another? Were Victorian Times less morally bankrupt or corrupt than today? I point to women's suffrage, equality rights, democratic rights, freedom of religion. For example, did Victorians like one lump or two lumps of sugar with their sexual repression?

The English language evolves with popular culture, fashion, and vernacular trends. Words lose their meanings and gain new ones, creating art in the way they are spoken. It is an urban canvas of thoughts and expressions in the way they are shared, creating new and dynamic forms of content. You've probably heard of this theory before.

In the proper context, and I stress context, I find many contemporary words hip, urban, and liberating. It is wonderful stuff and I feel that my Korean friend may have misunderstood my use of words which did not intend moral offense or judgement.
Click to expand...
Dude,

Will you rewrite my resume? Your use of the English language impresses the shid out of me. Now there's one for you. Explain to your friend how you can impress the shid out of someone. Face it our use of the English language would require way too much explaining, even to the British or anyone else using English. It's just an American thing. We taking anything and make it our own.
super.gif
super.gif
super.gif


super.gif


super.gif
 
it's a caveat of living abroad....

you have to keep the culture and native vernacular in mind.

seek an appropriate way to make amends (consult other of the same background) and then move past it.

as long as you've made the attempt...then the rest is his/her problem.

beerchug.gif
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

yamahor
Okay, need some advice from women
2 3 4
Replies
64
Views
2,688
smonroe86
smonroe86
yamahor
Need advice...
Replies
16
Views
692
DC TONY
DC TONY
P
Work related math lesson
Replies
5
Views
615
thepushercg
thepushercg
Ketchmi
I thought you guys would appreciate this...
Replies
12
Views
755
sledhead
sledhead
F
Some thoughts on motorcycle culture
2
Replies
20
Views
1,634
VaBusa
VaBusa
Back
Top