On the Rural Midwest

FLCN72

Registered
I was sent this by a friend, in honor of the harvest season that is fully underway for me.  I got a kick out of it and thought some of you might too.  :)


A message from the rural Midwest:

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines.

In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

1.  That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2.  It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator.  I have a four wheel drive because I need it.   Drive it or get it out of the way.

3.  We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi.  We got over it.

4.  Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped...  by our women.

5.  Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod.  Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle.  We have a name for those little trout you fish for...bait.

6.  Pull your pants up.  You look like an idiot.

7.  If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it.!  You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8.  That's right.  Whiskey is only two bucks.  We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

9.  No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare.  Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

10.  You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11.  So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed.  We have quarter of a million dollar combine that we use three weeks a year.

12.  Let's get this straight.  We have one stoplight in town.  We stop when it's red.  We may even stop when it's yellow.

13.  Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist.  Isn't that cute.

14.  Yeah, we eat catfish.  Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar?  It's available at the bait shop.

15.  They are pigs.  That's what they smell like. Get over it.  Don't like it?  Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways--Interstates 29, 35, & 69 go the other two.  Pick one and use it accordingly.

16.  The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.  It's a religious holiday.  You can get breakfast at the church.

17.  So every person in every pickup waves.  It's called being friendly.  Understand the concept?

18.  Yeah, we have golf courses.  Don't hit in the water hazard.  It spooks the fish.

19.  That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.

Now, enjoy your visit!
 
Heh, Flash backs to being stationed in Omaha...Kinda spooky, pretty true..

Heh, Cornfed... :)
 
Back in PA we dear hunt on the golf course (River Ridge). They figured out a few years ago that 25%-30% attendence at the high school for the first day of dear season waranted a holiday. (The Monday following Thanksgiving) Of course that was 10 years after I graduated.

FLCN72,

Are you going to Jacksonville on Saturday evening? We have a goup of bikes coming up for the car cruise. Got to have a show of force. :D Meet up with us if you can.

Later,

Steve
 
I live in Cali, but grew up on a farm. Sound like farm boys follow the same rule no matter where.
Too bad it does not apply for the entire country ;)

Ride safe  
 
Tree,

I'd like to make it to any Busa gathering around here. But this time of year it is virtually impossible for me to ride, even on the weekends. I'm only home this early (7PM) because of a mechanical problem with the harvester. I'l fix it in the morning when there is daylight.

If the weather remains decent, then I ought to be finished with the harvest by the middle of the last week of October, assuming I keep my workweek around 90 hours. So, I might be able to do a bit of riding in November before it gets too cold.

Thanks for the invite though. I'd really love to make it if I could.
 
FLCN72,

It's still going to be prety wet tomorrow. Are you going to be able to harvest? I haven't worked on a farm since 5th grade (1977). That and I don't know what you are bringing in. So I can't remember about drying out. Other than hay. Anyhow, we are still planning on taking bikes up. There will be at least 2 Busas. I think we are going to try to get into the parking lot next to McDonnalds.

If you can't make it, stay warm and dry. Oh yeah, don't fall a sleep behind the wheel of the combine. Have a safe working weekend.

Later,

Steve
 
Last time I was in Nebraska I saw an drive-through window sign that said "BEER, GUNS and AMMO"   Oh, and I've heard rumors about what those farm boys let the baby cows do when they can't find their mommy's teet. :rofl:
 
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