O.K. so these don't apply to you or that's what you think!!!


> Repairing Hearts & Getting Older
> A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
> The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
> The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
> The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
> The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
> "Try doing it with the engine running."
> ***********************************************
> A distraught senior citizen
> phoned her doctor's office.
> "Is it true," she wanted to know,
> "that the medication
> you prescribed has to be taken
> for the rest of my life?"
> "'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
> There was a moment of silence
> before the senior lady replied,
> "I'm wondering, then,
> just how serious is my condition
> because this prescription is marked
> ***********************
> An older gentleman was
> on the operating table
> awaiting surgery
> and he insisted that his son,
> a renowned surgeon,
> perform the operation.
> As he was about to get the anesthesia,
> he asked to speak to his son.
> "Yes, Dad, what is it?"
> "Don't be nervous, son;
> do your best,
> and just remember,
> if it doesn't go well,
> if something happens to me,
> your mother
> is going to come and
> live with you and your wife...."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Aging:
> Eventually you will reach a point
> when you stop lying about your age
> and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love
> to hear them say "you don't look that old.."
> ---------------------------------
> The older we get,
> the fewer things
> seem worth waiting in line for.
> ---------------------------------
> Some people
> try to turn back their odometers.
> Not me!
> I want people to know why
> I look this way.
> I've traveled a long way
> and some of the roads weren't paved.
> ********************
> When you are dissatisfied
> and would like to go back to youth,
> think of Algebra.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> You know you are getting old when
> everything either dries up or leaks.
> -------------------------------
> One of the many things
> no one tells you about aging
> is that it is such a nice change
> from being young.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~
> Ah, being young is beautiful,
> but being old is comfortable.
> *********
> First you forget names,
> then you forget faces.
> Then you forget to pull up your zipper....
> it's worse when
> you forget to pull it down.
> ````````````````
> Two guys, one old, one young,
> are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
> when they collide.
> The old guy says to the young guy,
> "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
> and I guess I wasn't paying attention
> to where I was going."
> The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
> I'm looking for my wife, too...
> I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
> The old guy says, "Well,
> maybe I can help you find her...
> what does she look like?"
> The young guy says,
> "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall,
> with red hair,
> blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,
> long legs,
> and is wearing short shorts.
> What does your wife look like?'
> To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter,
> --- let's look for yours."
> *********************
> (And this final one especially for me,)
> "Lord,
> keep Your arm around my shoulder
> and Your hand over my mouth!"
> Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . . stick around awhile . . . it will!