In the year 2007 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start a global deluge for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the deluge! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but a few things have come up" I have not yet received Building Regulations Approval.
The Pension Regulator will not allow me to fund the Ark from my SSAS.
I have been in great dispute with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system.
The local authority claim that I must obtain planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it is a temporary structure.
(I have launched an appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision).
The Department of Transport have demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's re-location to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Acquiring the timber will be a major problem. All the decent trees have
'Tree Preservation Orders' on them and we live on a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the timber to save the owls - but no go!
I have started gathering some creatures but the RSPCA are now suing me. They insisted that I am confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodation would be too restrictive, and it would be cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
The Commission for Racial Equality insist on ratifying the passenger list and there must be a mosque built on the Ark.
Human Rights campaigners have demanded the accommodation is up to standard and nobody is conscripted against their will plus no Manchester United
supporters are to be allowed on board.
The County Council, The Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority have ruled that I could not build the Ark until they had conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
Scots and Welsh residents will be allowed free passage but English will have to pay full fares.
Downing Street insist the Captain and at least half the crew must be Scottish based MP's I am still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
Commission on how many disabled carpenter's I am supposed to hire for my building team.
The trades unions say I can not employ my sons because I must hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs have seized all my assets, claiming that I am attempting to leave the country illegally with
endangered species.
Forgive me, Lord, but my best estimate is that it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "It is obvious the EU and British government are beating me to it."
Enough Said !!!
Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start a global deluge for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the deluge! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but a few things have come up" I have not yet received Building Regulations Approval.
The Pension Regulator will not allow me to fund the Ark from my SSAS.
I have been in great dispute with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system.
The local authority claim that I must obtain planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it is a temporary structure.
(I have launched an appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision).
The Department of Transport have demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's re-location to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Acquiring the timber will be a major problem. All the decent trees have
'Tree Preservation Orders' on them and we live on a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the timber to save the owls - but no go!
I have started gathering some creatures but the RSPCA are now suing me. They insisted that I am confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodation would be too restrictive, and it would be cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
The Commission for Racial Equality insist on ratifying the passenger list and there must be a mosque built on the Ark.
Human Rights campaigners have demanded the accommodation is up to standard and nobody is conscripted against their will plus no Manchester United
supporters are to be allowed on board.
The County Council, The Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority have ruled that I could not build the Ark until they had conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
Scots and Welsh residents will be allowed free passage but English will have to pay full fares.
Downing Street insist the Captain and at least half the crew must be Scottish based MP's I am still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
Commission on how many disabled carpenter's I am supposed to hire for my building team.
The trades unions say I can not employ my sons because I must hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs have seized all my assets, claiming that I am attempting to leave the country illegally with
endangered species.
Forgive me, Lord, but my best estimate is that it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "It is obvious the EU and British government are beating me to it."
Enough Said !!!
