Like Vodka for water

Devious

Onward through the Fog
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

     After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

     The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.  If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

     So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

     At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.


     He proceeded to talk up a storm.

     Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

     1)  Sip the vodka, don't gulp.  

     2)  There are 10 commandments, not 12.  

     3)  There are 12 disciples, not 10.  

     4)  Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.  

     5)  Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a$$.

     6)  We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

     7)  The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to a Big
Daddy, Junior and the Spook.  

     8)  David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shyt out of him.

     9)  When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a$$.

     10)  We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."  

     11)  When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body."  He did not say "Eat me."  

     12)  The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."

     13)  The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

     14)  Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.
Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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(Haelo @ Oct. 24 2006,09:16) Jesus was all about the wine, this is an established fact
beerchug.gif
be kind enough to clarify for me what this means
i am just wondering. thanks.
 
(thepushercg @ Oct. 24 2006,07:26)
(Haelo @ Oct. 24 2006,09:16) Jesus was all about the wine, this is an established fact
beerchug.gif
be kind enough to clarify for me what this means
i am just wondering. thanks.
What, are ya simple? Didn't ole' JC Turn Water into wine. Take clean refreshing water and via Magic create wine! Hell you know ANYONE who can do this that doesn't like to party?

Imagine what he did for tabacco?
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yes a simple man i am. thats why i get educated on this board. now for correct grammar on my part and i will have my school for today.
 
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