life can suck...................

[red1100cc]

im having a rough time. my sprit is crushed, and im upset.
upset with myself mostly. I have let myself be taken advantage of. and now im in debt and freakin out. maybe I just need to vent, and as I have no other place to do so at 4:50am, im gonna post here.

oh where do I start.

how about with the event that crushed me.

I had my home broken into this last Sat. while I was riding in our local motorcycle awareness parade. I don't hardly ever lock my doors. they didn't really have to "break in".
where I live, it HAD to be one of my "friends". they only took 2 things that I can tell. they nabbed $350 out of my rainy day fund that was $1000, and they stole my roommates pain pills.

as I owe a friend $1000 for dirtwork and plowing this last winter, im now going to be barely able to pay him, and my roommate gets to endure 20 days of excruciating pain until his next script is available.

the pills really make me upset. my roommate has hiperimuine disorder and his body is eating its self. he has a big hole in his leg, and another one forming. he can barely function w/o some kind of pain suppressant.
it hurts me even more that it had to be a "friend".

I do not steal or take things that are not mine. I do not cheat. I do not lie. I really try to be a nice fella. I still trust people. or I did.
I hate when my sprit is crushed by my being too trusting.

to top it off I already owe 2 friends $1000 ea. one because of business deals (we fix and sell cars together and I let him funk me) and I owe my brother Hippy a grand for his sidehack. (hes a good dude and I don't wanna funk him) but I did pay about $500 too much for his hack just so he could get his money back out of it, even though he wrecked it.

im probably going to sell my car or cars to get back square.

next investment is a trail cam and maybe a harbor freight security cam.

I hate to do it but im about to go twain on my tools too. I realized im missing my hammock, my welder, my 3 foot levels (3 of them), my 6 foot level, my radial arm chop saw, my small tile saw, my 6 foot straight edge, my carpet stapler, air brad nailer, air flooring stapler, 4tf square, dry wall square, stretcher spike, gas cans, 2 battery chargers, power drill, mixing drill, and a bunch of hand tools.

I do believe I am TOO nice a guy. im volunteering and loaning myself into poverty.

earlier I felt suicidal. I hate feeling that way! I look at the person I am and im not happy. I feel like a wimp and a failure.
every time I try to get ahead I get bent over.

the only thing that keeps me going is my son. I want him to have a good strong dad. I must put on the façade that I am happy and everything is ok. for him I do this.

but the fact is I am not.
im not happy with my life. I grow tired of being a maid in my own home. I feel like a butler cleaning up after everyone else.

shoot, I just got a call from my student loans saying they want to charge me $28,000 on a $7800 loan. life just keeps getting better,
at this rate ill have a heart attack just to get out of bebt.

I haven't had a job in over a year. my wife said she would support me. she hasn't.
between our investments and her spending habbits I tying don't even know day to day id I can eat. I have taken to tying to eat out o the deep freeze. cutting my meals to 1 or less meals a day. my wife always eludes that were broke so I forgo meals, either forgo buying my self anykind of lunch, and I just try to make 1 meal a day to share with my fmily because I know they get to eat throughout the day with school meals and my wife works above the cafeteria, so I know she eats twice a day.

I feel bad everytime I eat without them.

1 year ago I quit my 1/2 assed karaoke job. I haven't had a job scene.

I am a welder, a bike wrench, a framer, drywaller, electrician, machinist, welder, a master flooring installer. im a freakin genius with many skills. but I still feel like a worthless POS!

I don't know what to do....
1st thing I am gonna do is get out of debt and stop the BS.

i'll sell the Harley id I have to. I don't wanna be in debt to anyone. it gonna give me a freakin heart attack. then ill b dead and who gives a funk who I owe what!

crud, that brings me to well me. eating less than a meal a day is hard on me.
sometimes I lay in bed, my belly grumblim, just wishing that I wont wake up and have to deal with the pain in my belly again.

its more than hunger. its that I feel bad everytime I go feed myself. like im taking away something from my fat wife or my son.
then I see the quordoba receipts and the orange Julies on my coffie table and I realize im punishing my self for nothing!??!!

dammmit, I hurt. my body just freakin aches from the stress..
there is nothing I can think of that yall can do to help. just freakin wish me luck.

god I hurt so bad that my back freakin hurts

I know things will work out maybe not for the best, but the sun WILL come up tommrow, and they will be a new challenge.


thank you for listening.

cheers to stuff, and things.

funk, sometimes I wish I was someone else!

I have no idea what the future holds. but I do know 1 thing.

 

[red1100cc]

not sure what that 1 thing is...but I know it.

 

[VaBusa]

Damn red, had no clue you had all of this going on :down:

Can't have you spiraling like this and can't have you not being taken care of because you can't care for your family if you're not in good health man...

Do you have family nearby that can step up and help??

 

[twotonevert]

Dang it bro, hard to say anything at this point. I hope you forget the suicidal thoughts, that will not help anyone and your son needs you. Can you sit down with your wife and talk about what is bothering you? If not I would suggest counseling. Is there anything we can do to help?

 

[Quiksilver]

I've been in some dark places...there's always a way out...though sometimes it seems impossible. I hope things get better for you friend.

 

[TallTom]

Red. Everything in our lives go up and down. You are letting nothing but the negative take control of you at the moment. Let's turn this around a little. First, call the cops and report the theft. In that report they will discuss why you think it was a friend and you can suggest who those possibilities are. You may not be able to recover any or all of it, but you never know. And if they can find out who, they will get a chance to re-pay you. They will hit up the Pawn Shops to see if it turns up. It most likely will. Also check out E-Bay for these items being sold in your area. You'd be amazed at how quickly the cops can catch these guys.

Sell any and everything you need to. It's just stuff. Nothing you have can't be replaced again when you are better off again. Dump it all. It seems bleak to think about, but it is less bleak that having debt eat you alive day by day. When you sell all of that, you will also find that you are saving money on gas, insurance etc.

Next student loans. These are one the biggest scams in our country. There are organizations that can help re-structure that.

Further, don't be afraid to look at bankruptcy as an option as a last resort. Although it sounds like you won't need it after you sell everything and get out of debt.

Also if you are un-employed and have a kids, you are entitled to some help via Welfare and Food Stamps. Don't be too proud to use it. You have paid into that system for years.

Next, lets move on to your skills. You know how to do a lot of things. Put yourself out there looking to use those skills. As an example you are a welder. Look in Mobile, Alabama or Gulfport, Ms. Craigslist job listings and you will find about 2 dozen positions for welding being offered. Past that, go to Austal or Ingalls Shipyard websites and there is a flood of positions for welders. And if you have the appropriate welding skills, they will pay to move you. On top of that, they have welding schools that they will send you to, FOR FREE, if you agree to work for them for a set period of time. I just spoke with a brand new out of school welder, who started at $22 an hour and they are so short on people, he has 10 hours of overtime a week built in.

And lastly yes, you can't loan or nice your way into poverty. Lesson learned. You will never do it again after you get passed this bump in the road.

 

[Strife]

1st off you need to eat. Deprive your body of substance and it effects you mentality, among the given health issues. It's better to have a good meal earlier in the day then at night. You'll get the most out of it.

$350 of the 1k that was there is odd. Pain pills missing isn't a surprise. Your roommate can most likely get a script refilled if you reported your house broken into to the police and hasn't had to get them done before. Even with the big issue of prescribed med abuse, there is still legit incidents where people need scripts replaced. Gonna be hard to justify only a portion of money was taken though. Who among your friends would have a need for only that amount. give their names to the police, they aren't a friend if they steal from you!

Also you call it your rainy day money and then claim no food to eat?

You need primary transportation, anything else that moves is expendable. Sell it!

Your wifes spending habits need a reality check!

Relocate family to new place where you can find work? Afraid your family might break up? Well it looks like it isn't very healthy right now.

Put your priorities in black and white and work on them from there. Hardest part is accepting the reality around them and it's easier to deny if they keep their goals locked up in the skull where it can change on a thoughts notice.

Good luck and hope it all works out for the best.

 

[bigjack7679]

Red. Everything in our lives go up and down. You are letting nothing but the negative take control of you at the moment. Let's turn this around a little. First, call the cops and report the theft. In that report they will discuss why you think it was a friend and you can suggest who those possibilities are. You may not be able to recover any or all of it, but you never know. And if they can find out who, they will get a chance to re-pay you. They will hit up the Pawn Shops to see if it turns up. It most likely will. Also check out E-Bay for these items being sold in your area. You'd be amazed at how quickly the cops can catch these guys.

Sell any and everything you need to. It's just stuff. Nothing you have can't be replaced again when you are better off again. Dump it all. It seems bleak to think about, but it is less bleak that having debt eat you alive day by day. When you sell all of that, you will also find that you are saving money on gas, insurance etc.

Next student loans. These are one the biggest scams in our country. There are organizations that can help re-structure that.

Further, don't be afraid to look at bankruptcy as an option as a last resort. Although it sounds like you won't need it after you sell everything and get out of debt.

Also if you are un-employed and have a kids, you are entitled to some help via Welfare and Food Stamps. Don't be too proud to use it. You have paid into that system for years.

Next, lets move on to your skills. You know how to do a lot of things. Put yourself out there looking to use those skills. As an example you are a welder. Look in Mobile, Alabama or Gulfport, Ms. Craigslist job listings and you will find about 2 dozen positions for welding being offered. Past that, go to Austal or Ingalls Shipyard websites and there is a flood of positions for welders. And if you have the appropriate welding skills, they will pay to move you. On top of that, they have welding schools that they will send you to, FOR FREE, if you agree to work for them for a set period of time. I just spoke with a brand new out of school welder, who started at $22 an hour and they are so short on people, he has 10 hours of overtime a week built in.

And lastly yes, you can't loan or nice your way into poverty. Lesson learned. You will never do it again after you get passed this bump in the road.

I had a lot to say as I was reading this but this sums it up.

Pray my friend

 

[Busabim]

These are very trying times for men generally and I wish you better days. You have to focus on what is working as opposed to what is not working.

BB

 

[RYC1966]

It is rewarding to be a nice guy...but that does not pay the bills...I'm in a similar boat. some jobs I just say cover the materials and give me x per hr knowing that they would pay way more. I give so much time and money to friends that help me in their own way. The end all is having somebody not pay or steal from me when I fully trust them...because I can no longer trust them and just bite my tongue hoping they don't call and go away for good. I hope you sort it out and hopefully the person returns the money / other after they feel the guilt of what they have done.

 

[methodicreign]

try looking around for pipeline projects, there screaming for welders and generally fly people in and out of the sites and pay pretty good. not a permanent gig but it'll get you back on your feet pretty quick and take you away from home and all your problems for a few weeks at a time. sometimes you can only get a clear perspective on things from a distance.

 

[Projekt]

Well man.. Your narrative reeks of depression. Beating yourself up for some relatively small tactical errors is not the way to go. What needs to happen is to first and foremost, eat right. Why sacrifice
when the family isn't. It is said, through the good and the bad times, in sickness and in health, til death do us....

If she isn't holding up her end of the bargain and fails to see the severity of the situation, she needs to check it and fast.

One good thing about unemployment is free time. Time to do as you please. Exercise will help, include some major muscle group growth routines and let that testosterone build up out of your legs during squats. You will be back to feeling like a million bucks. Times are tough and a lot of good men are out of work. Knowing that, you shouldn't come down on yourself that hard.

 

[StromBusa]

it's always darkest before the dawn...get your tools gathered up & your hands busy. +1 sell the Harley & get squared up.. get up & get going...best of luck man.

 

[Busalude]

Keep that chin up bro. I know it will be hard. Your family needs you. I grew up with out a dad because his gf shot him. I honestly never met him. It's a hard thing in life when you don't have your dad in the picture. When you feel like you have nothing left remember that you do! A child is an amazing thing. They give you strength when seemingly all hope is lost. They can show you the meaning of unconditional love. They can turn the most bass akwards, inhumane, low life people on this earth into good people. Continue to drive hard! Know that when it seems as though you're at the bottom there's only one way...up. Prayers out brother.

 

[VaBusa]

Russ, I keep reading through the long list of so many negatives going on and the only thing I can think of to offer up right now is that you need to take care of yourself first and foremost...if you're not OK, nothing else falls in line. The rest overwhelms, I know it does, and as a whole - it is HUGE, but if you can somehow just take it piece by piece and work on fixing things one at a time, starting with you, getting YOU healthy again, I think the rest will get better.

We are all here for you though, you know that. If you need anything, please just let us know what we can do to help you out...

 

[RedBusarider]

not sure what that 1 thing is...but I know it.

The one thing you should know is - You can't go on like this. Somethings have to change.

If you are eating only one meal a day you are killing yourself. Health problems are arriving at a steady pace - depression, hunger, unclear thinking, low energy, weakness etc.
Don't feel guilty for eating - maybe your fat wife should feel guilty for eating too much! Try to get quality foods if possible - but junk food is better than nothing.
Hard to exercise if you have no energy, so eat well enough that you have the energy to do some exercise, it will brighten your crushed spirit.

Lock your house when you leave, and make sure you have a key with you, especially if you are not use to having to unlock your door when you return home.


There is a lot of good advice in this thread. Hope you can follow some of it and see a difference after doing so.

 

[red1100cc]

I made a few phone calls today and got a welding job. it starts next Monday after I get back from NCOM national convention in Dallas.

im sorry I laid all this on yall. I just needed some place to tell my story and not be judged.


at the moment im putting a bunch of stuff I don't need on craigslist and thinking of where to go have a burger; after I finish my coffee with a st. johns wort chaser.


I see a long talk with my wife in the very near future.


thank you all for being so compassionate and caring.

 

[Strife]

Glad to see things starting to turning around.

As far as laying it all out on the board, no worries... Only thing anyone needs to consider is they might not always like what they read in the responses. Some people will post back with compassion, while others might take the "Tough Love" route. All responses hold their own value in their own way and the combination of all them can do some very power healing for the soul.

 

[VaBusa]

You don't think twice about laying it out here...this is the best place to do that! We're family, and you know if you need help, this is exactly the place to go...

Congrats on the job!!! That's a great first step...get yourself back on top man. If you're not healthy, nothing will be OK...I think many here have been there at some point, so we know what it's like. I know I have, and I fought depression, losing weight, not eating, then I'd look at my sons and realized if I dropped dead, then what? I started taking better care of myself, for them, for me...do it, it's so important.

via Samsung Galaxy SIII

 

[red1100cc]

You don't think twice about laying it out here...this is the best place to do that! We're family, and you know if you need help, this is exactly the place to go...

Congrats on the job!!! That's a great first step...get yourself back on top man. If you're not healthy, nothing will be OK...I think many here have been there at some point, so we know what it's like. I know I have, and I fought depression, losing weight, not eating, then I'd look at my sons and realized if I dropped dead, then what? I started taking better care of myself, for them, for me...do it, it's so important.

via Samsung Galaxy SIII

Thank you.

ive always tried to be true to myself.
there is such pressure in society to be the perfect person. and the fact is we are not perfect. no one is.
I have faith and im not one to take a hit and lye down.
phone rings.................
10min later...............



Dang it!!!!!!!!!!!
I just got off the phone with my mother and my Dad is having problems with his stents and a hardening artery that was replaced behind is heart 20yrs ago. he is out of the hospital and is going to have to start walking more. stents fixed. heart scoped out.


I think I need to go for a ride and do some talking with God.
chat with yall later.

Russ