Last statement from a self-immolation victim

[PandaNin]

Link to story

This is very very long and could be disturbing to some. There are no graphic pictures.

I understand where this guy is coming from. I was a victim of the same drudgery when I went through my divorce 15 years ago. The system in Colorado did not listen to a word I had to say and at all times the female was right. It didn't matter that I had a lawyer, he basically told me to bend over and smile cause there was nothing more I could do. Lost my house, lost everything all so she could "provide". Too bad she never did. Too bad it's not a crime for her either. The system feels that the mother knows what is best and gives them everything they need. It's up to them to use it wisely and if they don't, oh well. Nevermind that the kids are the ones who suffer the most.

This poor guy served our country for 21 years and this is how he ends up. Very sad. I'm upset he took the quick way out. I'm upset for his kids. It is long overdue time for domestic court reform.

 

[VaBusa]

I'll read it in a bit, since it's long, but I will definitely second your comment about the fact that we're long overdue for domestic court reform. I'm so sick of 1) seeing so many Dads nailed to the proverbial cross when there's a divorce and 2) watching Moms suck and bleed the Dads dry by abusing child support and twisting their kids up so much they barely get time with their Dads.

I'm still going through a divorce; nearly 3 years now and I thought I'd offered up a "dream divorce" for my ex, but he's made it difficult and keeps wanting more, changing the game, etc. I offered a 50/50 split on time with the kids, we split all child-related expenses 50/50 (even though he makes more than me), and I don't get (nor want) child support. I just wanted us to each go our separate ways and live our separate lives. I truly believe that's how it should be, and each parent should be responsible for taking care of themselves and their kids, period.

Don't even get me started...

 

[fast08busa]

I agree but disagree in some senses. My wife has a complete deadbeat ex husband who doesn't pay child support, doesn't spend time with the kids, hell he doesn't even get them a birthday card or a christmas card. Not saying all ex husbands are deadbeat, and not saying that every ex wife is perfect, but there is two sides to every coin......

 

[PandaNin]

I feel compelled to add....

This guy does request violent actions that I completely disagree with. I am supportive of his position but am NOT supportive of his request for actions.

 

[VaBusa]

Well, I read about 1/2 and I can already tell it's so easy for someone to completely ruin a person's life by getting others involved, creating so much redtape BS...unreal...

I will say this though, as a parent...at no point should a parent draw blood from a 4 year old if it were a "slap" across the face. I don't agree with anything this Mom did from that point on, but whatever Dad did to his daughter, it shouldn't have been dismissed as just a simple slap. Just my :2cents: and as a Mom, that wouldn't have been something I just look past either. I wouldn't have ruined my husband's life, but there's more to what he did that what he's said. He still didn't deserve all she did to him though...

 

[VaBusa]

I agree but disagree in some senses. My wife has a complete deadbeat ex husband who doesn't pay child support, doesn't spend time with the kids, hell he doesn't even get them a birthday card or a christmas card. Not saying all ex husbands are deadbeat, and not saying that every ex wife is perfect, but there is two sides to every coin......

There are two sides, but more often than not, I see Dads paying for deadbeat Moms that refuse to get off their butts and work a real job or do what they can to take care of themselves. I also hate that CS doesn't have to be accounted for, so Mom can go blow it on whatever she wants and say it "went toward the kids" when we know it doesn't...

'Eh, it's off-topic after reading the article...I don't like people that don't take care of themselves, period.

 

[VaBusa]

I feel compelled to add....

This guy does request violent actions that I completely disagree with. I am supportive of his position but am NOT supportive of his request for actions.

Yeah, and I was thinking as I read some of his stuff, that he's a pretty violent person. So, perhaps there's more to a lot of what he did in his life/marriage that we're not privy to...

 

[Pardini]

It will be interesting to see where this thread goes in light of the dog whacking thread.

 

[lil charlie]

I agree but disagree in some senses. My wife has a complete deadbeat ex husband who doesn't pay child support, doesn't spend time with the kids, hell he doesn't even get them a birthday card or a christmas card. Not saying all ex husbands are deadbeat, and not saying that every ex wife is perfect, but there is two sides to every coin......

Im in the same boat as you. Melissa has 2 kids from her Ex and he doesn't pay up...no calls no nothing!

 

[dadofthree]

I agree with your overall sentiment. Been there, done that, paid for my house twice, child support for an 18 year old daughter who had two jobs, a new car from me and college tuition coming from me, forced to give the X the tee shirt

In SC the judge basically has a set of rules, and formulas. A clerk could do their job. The facts just don't mean a dayum thing.

 

[fast08busa]

There are two sides, but more often than not, I see Dads paying for deadbeat Moms that refuse to get off their butts and work a real job or do what they can to take care of themselves. I also hate that CS doesn't have to be accounted for, so Mom can go blow it on whatever she wants and say it "went toward the kids" when we know it doesn't...

'Eh, it's off-topic after reading the article...I don't like people that don't take care of themselves, period.

I agree with you to a point, my dad was in the same boat with his ex wife and my half sisters, BUT.... There are alot more deadbeat dads than moms, this is just in my county alone


MCSO: Deadbeat Parents



My wifes ex only pays child support when he gets arrested, This is my opinion but if your going to be a dead beat dad, do the world a favor and save oxygen for people that really need it and blow your effing brains out.

 

[PandaNin]

Pardini has a good point.

I'll be the first to ask that this thread get locked if it goes south. Please be adults. Speak what's on your mind while being the outstanding net-izens I know you all to be.

No name calling, no personal attacks, no attacking anothers belief system.

Share, learn and educate others please.

 

[fast08busa]

At what point in this thread has it even staryed to go there, why dont u let admins decide whether or not to lock threads that are inapinappropriate.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Blanca BusaLess]

His four year old daughter was licking his hand and he slapped her?
Hardly a reason to smack a kid across the face?

Wow alot of rambling there.
Sad that in the end he says 'daddy loves you' and then kills himself?


Months ago my wife and I got into a fight. She was the aggressor. The next day my daughter went to school crying saying her parents had a fight. The teacher yes the teacher took it upon herself to call DCS on us. Midday the police and a DCS rep came to my home for an interview. They kept trying to convince my wife it was my fault and kept saying if they thought I'd touched her they had to arrest me. It got real scary real real quick! Thank God the milk in the fridge was fresh because DCS checked it and thank God we made it out of there because we almost got caught up in same system he speaks of.

 

[mrsBusawhipped]

No one is telling the admins how to do their "job". Just a gentle reminder from one our peers to keep it civil.

Back to the topic. I am not a parent of any kind, but am a child of divorce and I will say my mother was horrible with money. My father was required to pay $35x3 (3 kids) each month. Even in the mid 80's that aint squat! Fast forward to 87. My father retired and started collecting SS. My mother was still recieving child support for my little brother he was 7 at the time. As soon as SS kicked in for my father, my mother began recieving $400.00/month for my little brother, directly from SS. WTH!!!! Again my mother frittered it away. When my brother turned 18 the money IMMEDIATELY stopped. SS don't play around when stopping payments. Needless to say she was hurting financially. She brought it on herself. So I guess what I am saying is I think it is a good idea for which ever parent is recieving child support that there be some sort of system in place for accountability for ever penny spent.

 

[twotonevert]

It will be interesting to see where this thread goes in light of the dog whacking thread.

The banning of the individual had nothing to do with whether or not he whacked his dog.

 

[twotonevert]

Any thread with any topic will be locked/removed as deemed neccesary.

Back on topic:

I can understand how the man felt. However, I have never hit any woman, nor my children. I have never been arrested or accused of domestic assault. I will say that I understand how the system is flawed. I am not a dead beat dad, and pay I pay child support. Life goes on, the problem is the laws and opinions of the judges and the courts are always swayed to the womans side. No matter what your case or issue. My last attorney didnt charge me for 6 months of work because "she" could not explain why the judge did what he did, it was his discretion and it wasnt right.
I have a dead beat sister that I have called DHS on numerous times, they refuse to do anything. I promise you it would be better for her 3 children that all have different fathers, and none of whom are in their lives, would be better off being adopted and living with someone that would love them. It breaks my heart, but that is the system in which we live.

 

[superbeagle]

I can tell you from my personal experience with my parents. The system needs some updating. All I will say is my mother was the abuser. They kept trying to go after my father. Also they split custody of my sister and me. Then when my father got us both she was supposed to pay child support and never did. He was basically told not to waste his time go after her for child support. It's just sad that anyone would treat there own flesh and blood like that.

 

[Schexy1]

I agree with you to a point, my dad was in the same boat with his ex wife and my half sisters, BUT.... There are alot more deadbeat dads than moms, this is just in my county alone


MCSO: Deadbeat Parents



My wifes ex only pays child support when he gets arrested, This is my opinion but if your going to be a dead beat dad, do the world a favor and save oxygen for people that really need it and blow your effing brains out.

The main reason there are more deadbeat dads is because of the large disproportion of who has to pay. If you look at the percentages, more women are deadbeat compared to men. Also the courts and media are quicker to point out deadbeat dads compared to moms. My son’s mom did pay child support to me for 6 years despite trying to use the courts and Child Support enforcement Agency. When we changed custody and I had to pay, the judge never considered the amount in arrears (which I still haven’t collected after 8 years). He went as far as warning me about what he would do if I showed up in his court for not paying. But that is a different topic.

Back to the topic. As many have said I feel sorry for the whole family, but there is something not quite right about the story. I am a firm believer in corporal punishment, but I don’t understand how you draw blood from the lip of a 4 year old. Also, why did he not try to resolve the issue within his family? As he put it, he had no contact with his wife for six months and never tried to save his marriage.

I think if he had put as much energy into saving his marriage and family as he put into getting the second set of books, things would have turned out differently.

On a side note, there is a problem with our courts when it comes to the treatment of men and women in both domestic and criminal cases.

 

[RussellJ]

His four year old daughter was licking his hand and he slapped her?
Hardly a reason to smack a kid across the face?

Wow alot of rambling there.
Sad that in the end he says 'daddy loves you' and then kills himself?


Months ago my wife and I got into a fight. She was the aggressor. The next day my daughter went to school crying saying her parents had a fight. The teacher yes the teacher took it upon herself to call DCS on us. Midday the police and a DCS rep came to my home for an interview. They kept trying to convince my wife it was my fault and kept saying if they thought I'd touched her they had to arrest me. It got real scary real real quick! Thank God the milk in the fridge was fresh because DCS checked it and thank God we made it out of there because we almost got caught up in same system he speaks of.

His smack may have just been a tap to a face just to make her stop. A definition of a smack does not have to be an open hand, hard whack. But it did cut her lip.. Ring maybe? Thats kind of off but the guy's intelligence does not seem to be one that would just do harm to a child however everything is not as it seems...

That is unreal about the teacher. Wtf is going on these days. They try to burn good parents ???