Jokes

[motogp08]

I want some more jokes to add to my inventory!

If any of you write jokes those would be awsome! If not i'd like to see some that you don't see much.

Anyone care to oblige?



I've got one for ya!



One day a brunette and a redhead were jumping along the railroad tracks, doing a zigzag along the tracks themselves. They were chanting, 22, 22, 22.

They pass a blonde going down the railroad tracks and the blonde decides to tag along, 22, 22, 22.

All of the sudden a train is coming, so the redhead and the brunette get off of the tracks and stand along the side.

The train comes along and splatters the blonde all over!

Then the brunette and redhead get back on the tracks and start chanting, 23, 23, 23.

 

[NightCrawler]

I posted this one earlier today:

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them.
The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, 'Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. 'On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue. Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.' The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.
They told their friends, Mr. &: Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them: so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests. Then he told the Greens the bad news. 'I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be. I cannot help.'
The Greens pleaded with him, and said, 'You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us.'
'Well, all right', the doctor said. 'On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of Fruit-Loops...

 

[motogp08]

I posted this one earlier today:

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them.
The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, 'Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. 'On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue. Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.' The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.
They told their friends, Mr. &: Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them: so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests. Then he told the Greens the bad news. 'I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be. I cannot help.'
The Greens pleaded with him, and said, 'You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us.'
'Well, all right', the doctor said. 'On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of Fruit-Loops...

Heard it before, still good non-the-less.

Thanks!

 

[motogp08]

One day there's a man sunbathing naked on the beach. A little girl walks by and points at his "pole" and say's, "sir, whats that?" The man replies, "thats my birdie."

Well, the man falls asleep, and a few hours later wakes up in the ER with an INCREDIBLE pain in his groin! He then thinks back to the little girl.

He looks and looks, finally finding the little girl. He walks up to her and asks, "i just woke up in the emergency room with an INCREDIBLE pain in my groin, WHAT HAPPENED?"

The little girl shrugs and says, "i was playing with your birdie and it spat at me, so i cracked its neck, broke its eggs, and burnt its nest!"

 

[motogp08]

One day three men are shot and killed by the police in a robbery at a bank.

The three men are standing in front of God and he say's, "okay boys, i will give you one more chance to steal, what i want you three to do is steal three fruits each."

The first man comes back. He says, "okay God i've got three grapes, now what?"

God says, "okay now i want you to shove all three of those fruits up your @ss without making a face, or i will send you to he11."

He pops one, pops two, and winces. BLAM! God sends him straight to he11.

The second man comes in with three apples.

God says, "okay, now i want you to shove all three of those fruits up your @ss without making a face, or i will send you to he11."

The man pops one, pops two, winces, and breaks out laughing.

The man is laughing hard enough to draw tears and God asks, "alright, i have to send you to he11 as part of the deal, but before i send you, what are you laughing about?"

The man replies, "Larry's coming and he stole three watermelons!"

 

[motogp08]

 

[ibified]

The most populat guy at the party: the one who can put a dozen donuts on his penis.

The most popular woman at the party: the one who can eat the last one.

 

[motogp08]

The most populat guy at the party: the one who can put a dozen donuts on his penis.

The most popular woman at the party: the one who can eat the last one.

Haven't heard that one. Thanks!