JOKES
- Thread starter motogp08
- Start date
motogp08
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One day there was three robbers that were shot and killed by the police while holding up a bank. They go to judgement at the pearly gates of heaven. God says, "i'll give you one more chance to steall, you must steal three fruits. After that return back here." So the three set off!
The first one gets back and he stole three cherries. God says, "now, i want you to shove all three of those cherries up your @ss without making a face or i will send you to he11." So he shoves one, shoves two, shoves the third and makes a face. God send's him straight to he11.
The second one comes back. God asks, "what did you steal?" He says three oranges. So God says, "okay, i want you to shove all three of those oranges up your @ss without making a face or i will send you to he11." So he shoves one, shoves two, makes a face and starts LAUGHING HIS HEAD OFF!
God then says, "i must send you to he11 as part of the deal, but i must ask, what is so funny?
The man replies, "Larry's coming and he stole three watermelons!"
The first one gets back and he stole three cherries. God says, "now, i want you to shove all three of those cherries up your @ss without making a face or i will send you to he11." So he shoves one, shoves two, shoves the third and makes a face. God send's him straight to he11.
The second one comes back. God asks, "what did you steal?" He says three oranges. So God says, "okay, i want you to shove all three of those oranges up your @ss without making a face or i will send you to he11." So he shoves one, shoves two, makes a face and starts LAUGHING HIS HEAD OFF!
God then says, "i must send you to he11 as part of the deal, but i must ask, what is so funny?
The man replies, "Larry's coming and he stole three watermelons!"
motogp08
Registered
One day a man was sunbatheing naked on a beach. A little girl walk's by and points at his **** and say's, "what's that?" He calmly states, "that, little girl, is my birdie."
A little while later, the man wakes up and finds himself in the ER. (With a terrible pain in his groin.) And thinks back to the little girl he'd talked to earlier.
He goes and finds the little girl and asks, "a little while ago i woke up in the hospital with a TERRIBLE pain in my crotch! WHAT HAPPENED?"
The little girl then says, "well, i was playing with your birdy and it spat at me, so i cracked it's neck, broke it's eggs, and burnt it's nest."
A little while later, the man wakes up and finds himself in the ER. (With a terrible pain in his groin.) And thinks back to the little girl he'd talked to earlier.
He goes and finds the little girl and asks, "a little while ago i woke up in the hospital with a TERRIBLE pain in my crotch! WHAT HAPPENED?"
The little girl then says, "well, i was playing with your birdy and it spat at me, so i cracked it's neck, broke it's eggs, and burnt it's nest."
motogp08
Registered
I sympathize with ya 05Busa! Not all mine are org. material. And the one's that i do tell are either clean to begin with, or i tone them down a great deal.
If i do upset anybody, please, let me know! I'm still not sure what the limits are and SERIOUSLY DON'T WANT TO GET BANNED!
If i do upset anybody, please, let me know! I'm still not sure what the limits are and SERIOUSLY DON'T WANT TO GET BANNED!
motogp08
Registered
One day two bikers went out for a ride 2up. The one in front was complaining about the wind hurting his chest so he let the passenger know he was pulling over and pulled over on the side of the road. Once pulled over, he put his jacket on backwards to block the wind better. So they set off again. Riding down the road, they hit a patch of gravel going a little to fast and laid the bike over. A passerby farmer went by and pulled over to help and call 911. This is how the 911 call went:
"911 emergency how may i assist you?"
Yeah, i've got a couple of bikers that went down on my road.
"Are they showing any signs of life?"
Yeah, the second one is fine! But the first one was moving until i set his head straight!
Hahahaha! Darn cagers!
"911 emergency how may i assist you?"
Yeah, i've got a couple of bikers that went down on my road.
"Are they showing any signs of life?"
Yeah, the second one is fine! But the first one was moving until i set his head straight!
Hahahaha! Darn cagers!
slimshady
Registered
If this one is a repost i'll bang my head on a rock.
>HICKVILLE, USA
>
>While riding his motorcycle
>
>A big city corporate lawyer runs a stop sign in a
>small town in Tennessee ,
>and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks
>that he is smarter
>than this hicktown deputy because he is a lawyer and
>is certain that he has
>a better education. He decides to prove this to
>himself and have some fun
>at the deputy's expense. Deputy says, "License and
>registration, please."
>
>Lawyer says, "What for?"
>
>Deputy says, "Y'all didn't come to a complete stop at
>the stop sign."
>
>Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
>
>Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete
>stop. License and
>registration, please."
>
>Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
>
>Deputy says, "The difference is, y'all have to come to
>complete stop, that's
>the law. License and registration, please!"
>
>Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference
>between slow down and
>stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and
>you give me the ticket.
>If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
>
>Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
>
>At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and
>starts beating the
>ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do y'all
>want me to stop or
>just slow down?"
>HICKVILLE, USA
>
>While riding his motorcycle
>
>A big city corporate lawyer runs a stop sign in a
>small town in Tennessee ,
>and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks
>that he is smarter
>than this hicktown deputy because he is a lawyer and
>is certain that he has
>a better education. He decides to prove this to
>himself and have some fun
>at the deputy's expense. Deputy says, "License and
>registration, please."
>
>Lawyer says, "What for?"
>
>Deputy says, "Y'all didn't come to a complete stop at
>the stop sign."
>
>Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
>
>Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete
>stop. License and
>registration, please."
>
>Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
>
>Deputy says, "The difference is, y'all have to come to
>complete stop, that's
>the law. License and registration, please!"
>
>Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference
>between slow down and
>stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and
>you give me the ticket.
>If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
>
>Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
>
>At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and
>starts beating the
>ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do y'all
>want me to stop or
>just slow down?"
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