jokes





gurrera

Registered
#1
A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself and asks, "May I buy you a cocktail?"
.
"No thank you," Maxine replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."
.
"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
.
"No, they spread."
As You Slide Down the Bannister of Life in 2012- Remember......



1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written An impressive new book. It's called .......
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink And be Mary..

3. The difference between the Pope and Your boss, the Pope only expects you To kiss his ring.



4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant Flash and it is gone.


5. The only time the world beats a path to Your door is if you're in the bathroom.



6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well,
it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.



8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned
the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just Vending machines and a large trash can.



10. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

11. As you slide down the banister of life, may The splinters never point the wrong way...

POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGEDOFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON


Gurrera
 

GsxrBots

Motorboatin' Moonpies, Gangnam Style
Registered
#2
I'd love to get on your email list. If these are the ones you post here, the others must be hilarious as well. :rofl:
 
#7
I'd love to get on your email list.

If these are the ones you post here,
the others must be hilarious as well.

:rofl:
I was coming home from the grocery store but forgot to buy milk,
so I stopped at the local Shell mini-mart to buy 2%.

I pulled in to fuel up,
parked & noticed two cops
watching a woman smoking a cigarette .

I thought to myself,
"Wow, what an idiot ~ smoking near a gas pump with Johnny Law standing right there !"

I ran inside the store asked for $20 on pump 6,
got my milk and checked out, as the smoking woman finished her smoke,
then ask me if I had a cigarette for her & I told her that I don't take part in lung darts .

Heard someone screaming
" Look out ! The woman's arm is on fire ! "

She was running around like a chicken with its head cut off,
waving her arm around and just going nuts. I pulled out the hose, but by then,
the cops had put her on the ground and were extinguishing the blaze .

Since the blaze was under control,
my car was almost burnt to the ground,
but that's when I saw the cops were putting her in handcuffs.

Another patron looked at me and said,
"What the heck is going on ?"

He then walked over to the cops and asked why they were arresting her.

After all, wasn't catching her arm on fire punishment enough ?

The cop looked him dead in the eye and said,
" For waving a Firearm . "

I'm sure they will record this arrest ~ as a second amendment violation . . .

 
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