joke time

[use2b]

One night, a desperatley depressed woman decided to kill herself by throwing herself off of the Brooklyn Bridge. She made her way up and onto the bridge and was about to commit this final act, when a passing sailor saw her. He recognized her anguish and realized what she was about to do. He went up to this tormented young woman and asked her why she wanted to do this to herself. The woman replied, "There is nothing her for me, so I might as well be dead."
The young sailor replied, "Listen, I am about to get on my ship heading for Europe. Maybe I could stow you away and you could make a new life for yourself in Europe. I will bring you food, and check on you daily. All I ask, is that if I keep you happy, you keep me happy."
The woman agreed and he snuck her on board and hid her in a life boat. Each day the sailor would bring her several sandwiches and fruit, and each night they would make passionate love.
So it went for 3 weeks, when the 1st mate discovered her while making rounds.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"A young sailor is helping me get to Europe, and in return, he gets to screw me."
"He sure is,"replied the 1st mate. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

 

[jwcfbd]

pretty bad but I like it.

 

[The Oracle]

A duck walks into a hardware store and goes to the clerk behind the counter and asks, "hey mister, ya got any duck food?"

The clerk replies, "no we just ran out, come back next week and we should have some."

So, the next day, the duck goes back to the hardware store and approaches the clerk, "hey mister, ya got any duck food?"

The clerk replies, "I told you yesterday we just ran out! Come back next week and we should have some."

So, the next day, the duck goes back to the hardware store and approaches the clerk, "hey mister, ya got any duck food?"

The clerk replies, "Look you little punk, I told you before, come back next week and we should have some. If you come around here again asking me about duck food, I'm gonna nail your little duck feet to the floor!"

The next day, the duck goes back to the hardware store and approaches the clerk, "hey mister, ya got any nails?"

The clerk replies, "no we just ran out, come back next week and we should have some."

The duck continues, "ya got any duck food?"

 

[The Oracle]

So this naked lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm, and a 1 foot long salami in the other hand...



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