I got jokes





head east busa

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#1
Ok with all the serious stuff going on I figured something to lighten the mood may be in order......


Frustrated Lady

A lady who had been married for several years was growing more and more
frustrated at her husband's lack of interest in sex. She wondered about
ways to add some pizzazz to their relationship, and finally decided to
purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a lingerie shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous, and he was, as
usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned
the crotchless undies, and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between
her husband and the television, and suggestively tossed one leg up on
his chair arm.

'Want some of this?' she purred.

'Are you kidding?' he replied.

'Look what it did to your underwear'
 

head east busa

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Registered
#2
and another

Three cowboys

Three cowboys were seated around the campfire out on the lonesome sagebrush prairie and with the pride for which these men were famous; it was a night of bravado, a night of tall tales..

Vern, the hand from Wyoming says, 'I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth.'

Larry, from Colorado, couldn't stand to be bested.. That's nothing, 'I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot Diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bastard with my bare hands, bit off its head, and sucked the poison down in one gulp and didn't even get a belly ache.'

Old Paul, the cowboy from Arizona , remained silent, slowly stirring the
campfire coals with his pecker.
 

head east busa

Donating Member
Registered
#3
and yes another

Spring Classes for Women

Spring Classes for Women at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER


REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Tuesday, May 19, 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..


Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or *****ing About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours...

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.


Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
 

head east busa

Donating Member
Registered
#5
does the pain ever stop :whistle:

Business is Business ...

Business is Business ...

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town.
Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a H**ker! and I charge $20 for sex," she said.
The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
 

Gurley

Registered
#8
does the pain ever stop :whistle:

Business is Business ...

Business is Business ...

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town.
Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a H**ker! and I charge $20 for sex," she said.
The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
:rofl:
 
#9
:laugh:3 Nightmares :laugh:

NIGHTMARE #1

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out
a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find
it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some
matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the
bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a
framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is
this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied,
snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all,"
she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the
bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied,
"That's me before the operation."


NIGHTMARE #2
The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was trying to
think of a way to rekindle it. One night he came from work, and found
his wife asleep in bed. He thought to himself, "what should I do?"
"Oh-I know." He proceeded to get under the covers and go down on his
wife. Soon she began to gently squirm and moan in pleasure. After a few
minutes, her body spasmed with ecstasy as she climaxed. Afterwards, the
man went straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he got there,
the light was on and he saw his wife there shaving her legs. He
exclaimed, "What
are you doing in here?!?" She said, "Shhhh!," pointing
at the bed, "You'll wake your mother"

NIGHTMARE #3
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home
As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the
guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans
with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey,
would you give me a blw job?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My
parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He
asks grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's
just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
"No, no,
and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you..." Out of the blue, the light
on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas,
hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead
and give him a blw job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can
come down herself and do it But for God's sake tell him to take his hand
off the intercom!"
 

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