how do you keep friends long term?

[BUSAFETT]

I've always been envious of my parents who have had lifelong friends.... friends who have been around so long that my sister and I refer to them as "Aunt and Uncle"

Sadly, my track record of keeping friends long-term has been pretty poor. I had 2 close friends growing up but lost both of them because both became envious that my life turned out a little better than theirs (I'm assuming anyway), and one of them also gradually became a chronic liar.

I guess my question is, is it possible to still meet "new" friends after a certain point and life AND keep them in today's society? Because right now I seem to be batting zero. The new folks I DO meet always seem too busy to be able to keep in touch.

To anyone who's been able to keep a friend life-long, be VERY proud and THANKFUL of it..

BF

 

[TallTom]

You keep them by not judging them to a standard you don't hold to yourself. You keep them by knowing you have differences and faults that you take into account as being part of "normal". I'm not saying you condone a crackhead as a friend if you don't like crackheads, I'm simply saying that if you roll with the differences and not try and make them more like you if they aren't already, then they stay around.

Be forgiving, and be there when the chips are down for them.

Good luck. I'm 47. Can count the number of true lifelong friends I have on one hand and have fingers left over. And I'm not unhappy at all in the number.

 

[BUSAFETT]

Thanks TT-

One of the 2 I gave as examples above, I gave a multitude of chances, but it got to the point where I couldn't believe a word that came out of their face anymore.. that I don't consider "normal" according to what you recommend, so that one I had to cut loose.

But I agree with your advice, that you have to respect others for being themselves, and not for being clones of you. I'm not far behind you in age, and it seems like that at this point in my life it's hard to meet new candidates aside from coworkers, so that's why I wanted to ask.

I WILL say that for the record, I've been meeting some great folks here at this site! Hoping it continues!

BF

 

[BusaBret]

Most people in the world today seem to only want to be friends when it is convenient or beneficial to them. I guess we as a society have become to busy and caught in our own lives up to enjoy the time and sociality of being with another person for no reason.

I thought I had gotten lucky and found that elusive lifelong friend but then after 15 years of being like brothers he accused me of sleeping with his wife. Guess we were not as good of friends as I thought.

Our hobby as bikers seems to be an exception. Generally speaking we are a very social and giving bunch. More than willing to go out of our way to help a fellow rider in a time of need or open our home to an almost complete stranger just because they needed a place to stay the night. Look around this site and you will see examples of these things almost daily. Maybe everyone should be required to have and ride a bike! But then again maybe not!

 

[BUSAFETT]

You are definitely right Bret- I find that with the car hobby community too.. Doors are opened for a complete stranger, and I have yet to hear of a scenario like that which resulted in any type of problem-

Very sorry to hear about your loss in friendship too. The part I hate most about those types of situations is after knowing that person for so long, you hear a song or a funny movie line that you guys used to joke about together all the time, and now you can't do that anymore. That's the part I hate. I thrive on humor..

BF

 

[gsferrari]

The key to any relationship...be it friendship or something more significant:

1. Keep your expectations low
2. Expect gaps in communication / interaction
3. Never bring $$$ into the picture (I say NO when asked and I don't ask)

I can talk to a friend after a years gap and still strike it off.

Yes you can make friends at any stage in life. I started late - but I'm getting better at it

 

[LCB]

All very good points... I don't have many friends as my interests vary so greatly from the norm for my age and gender. The few I have, I think of often and should call when that happens, but as life goes, family... work... unexpected obligations always seem to get in the way - and I know it's a lame excuse but I also know I'm not the only one using it. But when I do get in touch with those I hold dear - it's like we hadn't talked in a week instead of months or even years in some cases. We're all busy with our seperate lives... I guess it's just the world we've made for ourselves.

Good relationships with friends is very similar to a good relationship with a spouse... there will be times when you'll grow in different directions or at a different pace and that split can become permanent. Personally, I'd rather let it go and remember the good times than try to "feel" something for someone when there's nothing left.

 

[jessup]

I have very few friends but that is because I am so f'ing cool that people are jealous... haters.

 

[LCB]

Yeah, that's the reason all right....

 

[Don Hardcastle]

Friends are ppl that you associate with and that associate with you because you want to, not because there is a need that is being fulfilled.

Don

 

[Shibumi]

(gsferrari @ Aug. 05 2007,10:16) The key to any relationship...be it friendship or something more significant:

1. Keep your expectations low
2. Expect gaps in communication / interaction
3. Never bring $$$ into the picture (I say NO when asked and I don't ask)

I can talk to a friend after a years gap and still strike it off.

Yes you can make friends at any stage in life. I started late - but I'm getting better at it

Good points- I have friends who have gone off for military duty, come back and never missed a beat or even felt awkward. Unconditional caring for true friends, unless they violate life-beliefs you forgive or at least forget and go on.



Hey GSF, you back stateside?? Or still on that little native continent of yours...

You know the 08 is coming out...

 

[Relsek]

From my experience, I would say you don't.

 

[Wag]

I don't compromise on my friends. I'm honest and reliable and I expect the same from them. I do, however, act generously with my friends without expecting things in return.

Any normal human being will abide by the contract without being told to do so. If a friend is lying to you, he's no friend. Why waste any time and effort on such a person? Same with a friend who is never on time or borrows money without paying it back, etc. etc.

It's important to choose good friends. Some friends will be better friends than others, full spectrum from mere acquaintances to blood brothers from other mothers.

If you truly have troubles maintaining friendships with people who are good people, go have yourself checked out for ADHD. That can cause relationship problems with your friends.

Bottom line is, no everyone is a good candidate for friendship. Choose your friends wisely and feel free to be judgemental. Frankly, you can't afford not to be somewhat judgemental.

Regardless, best of luck to you. You can learn the skills you need if you wish.

--Wag--

 

[FastBusa]

Let them ride your bike!

 

[shortcut]

if you want friends be a friend.

 

[8Daytona8]

****I thought I had gotten lucky and found that elusive lifelong friend but then after 15 years of being like brothers he accused me of sleeping with his wife. Guess we were not as good of friends as I thought.

Well did ya

Man I never had a gooood bud that I wouldn't pull a gun on for that

Unless I could whooop em with out one! and then the wife would be out rite behind his limp body

Just get good ridin buds, huntin buds, fishin buds. Who needs any more than that. You will never find an all around one. And don't make buds with Co workers! Its just not a good idea if you are the supervisor.

 

[proud dad]

human nature....TRUE friendship....nonexsistant.It's a 2 way street

 

[Relsek]

A person that most would consider a friend, is one that shares your same interests and you enjoy being around them. As soon as one of those two factors changes, you drop them from your friend list. I'm 42 years old, thought I'd had many friends throughout the years. I still keep in touch with many of them, count them as friends, but I don't really think they fit my definition of a friend. I don't really think I could call on them if in a bind. A friend should be that.

Kevin

 

[BUSAFETT]

Well today I got to ride with Jessup for the 2nd time, along with LCB.. we'll see how long THEY stick around

 

[ike]

Get a dog