heres a good one

frisbee

GODSPEED RACING
Donating Member
Registered
Three men were sitting together bragging about how
they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Alabama and
bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do
all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a
couple days but on the third day he came home to a
clean house and the dishes were done.

The second man had married a woman from Florida. He
bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was
to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.

On the first day he didn't see any results, but the
next day it was
better. By the third day, his house was clean, the
dishes were done
and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Connecticut girl. He
boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep
the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry
washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the
second day he didn't see anything but by the third day
most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a
little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a
bite to eat, load the dishwasher and telephone a
landscaper.



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frisbee

GODSPEED RACING
Donating Member
Registered
Subject: Dog letter to God (to my dog loving friends)
> TO: GOD ;
> FROM: THE DOG
>
> Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell
> one another?
>
> Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch?
> Or is it still the same old story?
>
> Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
> mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for
> a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice
> ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the "Chrysler
> Beagle"?
>
> Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
> him, is he still a bad dog?
>
> Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
> signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beeper s, scent ID's,
> electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do
> humans understand?
>
> Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
>
> Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
> apologize?
>
> Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
> remember to be a good dog.
> 1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after
> they throw it up.
> 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just
> because I like the way they smell.
> 3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box,
> although they are tasty.
> 4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
> 5. The sofa is not a 'face towel.' Neither are Mom and Dad's
> laps.
> 6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
> 7. &nbs p; My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
> 8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
> Mom's driver's license and registration.
> 9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on
> the toilet.
> 10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable
> way of saying "hello."
> 11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under
> the coffee table.
> 12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering
> the house -- not after.
> 13. I will not throw up in the car.
> 14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my
> butt.
> 15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my
> c rotch when we have company.
> 16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and
> he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
> And, finally, My last two questions . . .
> Dear God: Why do humans only have 10 Commandments and dogs have 16?
>
>
>
> P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
>
 

MC MUSTANG

Peace Keeper or Ban Hammer-it's up to you; IDMBT#9
Staff member
Administrator
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