Farewell, I'll be seeing you!


It's been a strange week that has led me to an epiphany. What is important in life, for that matter, how am I interracting with people mostly via keyboard and display...

I seem to be a victim of conspiracy. For example, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up some milk on my Busa. The organic brand that I buy comes in an old school glass bottle with a blue and red logotype.. Tired from work and the heat, I opened the nostalgic bottle to take a long swig as I walked back to my machine in the lot. Having parked under a shadetree, I decided to chill for a few minutes.. Breathing deeply, I was very relaxed until I looked down and noticed the tailight was cracked with the rear tailsection scratched as well as the pipes being tweaked.. Then I looked across the parking lane and saw a domestic minivan with some matching fresh impact marks on the tailgate and a NO-BAMA bumpersticker proudly displayed. Making a note of the license plate number I tried not to get upset as I decided to wait for the owner to get the formalities sorted before heading off along the serpentine mountainous road that leads home.
Ten minutes passed as I watched people come and go. Twenty minutes passed while I saw a wrecker operator help a motorist jump start her car. Thirty minutes passed and I started to wonder how large the family has to be in order to spend so much time in a grocery store.
A squirrel decided to start dropping acorns onto my head so I kept my helmet on. Looking up the thing seemed to be holding it's paws up in my direction like saying "Come on, I'll kick your ass!" as it proceeded to drop acorns on my busa. Nearly reaching my patience threshold, I noticed a very large woman with unkempt brown hair pushing a fully loaded cart out of the store in my direction. Bingo is what I thought as she froze in her oversized tracks when she saw me waiting next to the bike.
She seemed to purse her lips and talk to herself as she approached her van. I calmly walked up to her and introduced myself. She did not reply, instead continued loading her many bags of junkfood and diet soda into the cargo area. I stated that the marks on her back door happened when she hit my Busa but she refused to acknowledge my presence.
"Ma'am, we can settle this without involving the authorities."
No answer..
"Ma'am unless we discuss this I will be forced to call the police."
She didn't answer immediately but shouted "you people must have a death wish riding those things" as she closed the door and walked to the driver's side. A few people were in the lot at the time in broad daylight and seemed to be watching the exchange.
Suddenly, she screamed "Let go of my purse, I told you I don't have any money! Please don't hurt me! No-No-NO-NO!!!!"
I was shocked and stood at least two paces from her. She opened the car door and screamed "FIRE-FIRE-FIRE" like she was being attacked to which I just raised my hands in disbelief.
The people in the lot all took out their cell phones apparently to call 911 and make a video of the situation.
I was relieved when I saw this because I knew that the police would be coming soon..
The lady started her van and gunned the throttle only to do a neutral drop into reverse. The van quickly accelerated backwards right at my busa as I held my hands on my head in panic! At the very last moment she veered in an uncontrolled manner barely missing my Busa but smashing into the large oak tree with the left rear corner of her vehicle. The impact knocked the squirrel out of the tree and onto the roof only to slide onto the windshield. Neuroticly, the lady turned her wipers on to dislodge the squirrel while screaming franticly only to see the squirrel hang onto the wipers with all its might. Back and forth the squirrel went as the crazy woman screamed along to the cadence of the wipers.
The engine screamed with a wide open throttle as the lady reached for the gear selector. Instantly the van was barrelling directly at me. With no time to think I just jumped onto the trunk of the black Buick sedan that was behind me. The impact was forceful enough to push the sedan forward against the other cars and overcome the parking brake friction as it pushed cars out of their spaces.
I had to do something but had little options while riding on the trunk of this non-stationary parked car as it moved further across the lot. People were increasingly in danger not to mention myself. Inside the car, a golden retriever puppy that must have been about 8-10 weeks old was looking very scared.
Amazingly, I hadn't spilled a drop of milk from my glass bottle still clenched tightly in my hand. Those nostalgic bottles sure don't break easily.
Hearing sirens I tried to calm down as the woman kept on cycling drive to reverse only to ram and ram and ram. At the right moment I jumped free and cleared the area.
Without thinking I swung my arm and launched the bottle at the driver's side window smashing it wide open.
It was now or never as I ran up to reach in and kill the engine. The lady was a fighter and she started beating my arm as I reached for the keys.. Just as she lunged to forcefully bite my tricep I managed to kill the engine and pull the keys and the van came to a halt when it came into contact with the buick one last time. The cops came skidding to a stop with lights and sirens whaling.
I was tackled to the ground and cuffed as the cops "Assisted" the victim in the van.
Luckily, the bystanders approached the officers after they roughed me up to show them the cell phone video.
I can't win for losing these days as I drove home across the curvy canyon pass only to crash after avoiding a squirrel in the road.
The Busa is totalled and I am done with the Org.. :banghead:
I hope this is one of your fantastic stories and not real life.

You so need to write a novel!!!!! :thumbsup:
Dude, OMG! I sicerely hope this is another example of your outstanding writing.
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It's all coming together now... :thumbsup:

And yes, I'm also assuming that this is another bit of your work.
C'mon man, what's Yin without Yang ???

What is the sound of one hand clapping? :poke:
i would like to play the squirll part when you cast for the movie..

holy sh!t
I sincerely hope that your not done here, that was one of the best written stories I have read in a long while. There is no way you could make something like that up.
Hopefully, a very well written story. If not you got my number brother.
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I liked the one with the freshly showered naked female Marine better :)

Don't go Projekt
I was just about to turn my laptop off when I found this....incredible, wheather real or not! Think I'll open up a diet coke and read it again! Raydog
Projektpiece Theatre....excellent. I've waited patiently for the next release :).
hes not going anywhere, hes just put in all the new posts of this weeks activities on the board, nice job projekt:thumbsup:
Projektpiece Theatre....excellent. I've waited patiently for the next release :).


I wonder if the squirrel in the parking lot communicated somehow with the canyon dancer you hit?