Best excuse for calling in sick to work

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I wanna hear them, folks. Me and a guy I used to work with had our little code.

We called in with "anal glaucoma" which is where you just dont see your a$$ coming to work that day.
 
Rodney Carrington CD... he says he called in sick and the boss said "how sick are you?"

Rodney - I'm having s*x with my sister, Is that sick enough for you? :laugh:
 
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:rofl::rofl::rofl:

found this on career builder

Your boss is no fool.
63 percent of recruiting managers said they are more suspicious of employees calling in sick on a Monday or Friday. The survey also revealed that some recruiting managers were less tolerant of workers pulling a sickie, with almost a quarter stating they fired an employee for missing work without a legitimate reason. While the definition of a sick day has evolved, with more employers including mental health and special circumstances in the description, workers should be mindful of company policies and their responsibilities as an employee.

"I was abducted by aliens..."
When asked to share the most unusual excuses workers gave for missing work, recruiting managers shared some of their favourite examples:


"I'm too drunk to drive to work."


"I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet."


"I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work." (Employee was not in the medical profession.)


"I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened."


"My boyfriend's snake escaped from its cage and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home."


"I'm too fat to get into my work outfit."


"God didn't wake me." (Employee didn't believe in alarm clocks and thought a higher power would wake her when she was ready.)


"I cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor."


"The ghosts in my house kept me up all night."


"I forgot I was getting married today."


"My cow bit me."


"My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our garden. His foot fell in and we can't get it out."


"I was walking down the street watching road works being done, fell in the hole and hurt myself."


"I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back."


"My house lock jammed, and I'm locked in."
 
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