My Jury Duty Experience - The Outcome!
- Thread starter Mrs.Rubber2Burn
- Start date
This type of situation is so common it isn't even funny. The problem usually is that the mother has some type of dependency that is more important to her than her kids. Thank you for doing the right thing and giving these kids a chance at having a life. This is the type of stuff that police officers deal with on a daily basis. I can't remember the number of times I've reported similar situations only to have Dept of Child and Family Services drop the ball and do nothing. Only on rare occasions does a case make it as far as the one you speak of. If you want to feel sad, feel sad for the number of cases that are slipping through the cracks in our system, feel sad for those kids that are still living in such conditions because the system in place to provide for them and protect them is not doing its job.
Feel no remorse for what you had to do as this mother could care less about her children, she was only concerned about the benefits she would lose if she lost her children. With the amount of assistance she was receiving there is no reason at all that would prevent her from providing a home with running water, electricity and some standard of cleanliness as well as safety. You say police had been there numerous times. That tells me this was probably reported numerous times. She was most likely given more than enough warnings that this would happen if she didn't make the changes necessary yet she failed to do so.
The only emotion this stirs in me is anger. I for the life of me do not understand how any parent could let this go on as it did and any parent that did is unfit to keep those children. The parents will tell a good story, make all kinds of promises to change things, play on your emotions but it's all lies more times than not. She had a choice, the kids didn't. Justice served, I wouldn't lose a bit of sleep or shed the first tear for taking her parental rights.
Feel no remorse for what you had to do as this mother could care less about her children, she was only concerned about the benefits she would lose if she lost her children. With the amount of assistance she was receiving there is no reason at all that would prevent her from providing a home with running water, electricity and some standard of cleanliness as well as safety. You say police had been there numerous times. That tells me this was probably reported numerous times. She was most likely given more than enough warnings that this would happen if she didn't make the changes necessary yet she failed to do so.
The only emotion this stirs in me is anger. I for the life of me do not understand how any parent could let this go on as it did and any parent that did is unfit to keep those children. The parents will tell a good story, make all kinds of promises to change things, play on your emotions but it's all lies more times than not. She had a choice, the kids didn't. Justice served, I wouldn't lose a bit of sleep or shed the first tear for taking her parental rights.
cipher5791
Registered
This brings me back to the year 2004.
My wife and I adopted a 13 year old girl who had been exposed to many of the things that the children in this case were exposed to. People often aske us why we adopted a child so old and we just figured that there were so many older children who grow up in the system and they just want a home. DFCS in Georgia did however leave out alot of information that would have probably saved us a lot of heartache and pain. She grew up with a drug addicted and alcoholic mother who had many relationships with Mexican men who were usually illegal aliens. One of the mothers boyfriends molested the older sister and the mother looked at the daughter as compatition. Sent her to have sex with men to pay for her drugs. DFCS had taken her and her older sister from their mother several times over the years and reunited them. Her mother finally sign her rights away and gave them to the state. After we adopted her, the truth began to unfold about how she was raised. The child we adopted said nothing ever happened to her but we believe something did because she had an attraction for older guys. She felt like guys her age were not enough for her. Some of the stories are as heartbreaking as this case and I can tell you first hand how those kids maybe screwed up for life.
So after running away five times, three trips to the youth detention center, stealing my car to drive to Alabama to reunite with her sister, lie after lie after lie, and exposing my children to a mess of other issues, she ran away the last time in Oct 2006. That is the last time we laid eyes on her. She is now 18 and grown. I can not tell you how turned upsidedown our lives had been while she was with us. We did everything possible as far as counciling and therapy but if the child really does not want to be with you, it will never work. I really feel for those children and the families who are taking them in. I truelly hope they do not have any of the problems we had but sad to say I am sure the will have some. Reactive attachment disorder is very serious.
My wife and I adopted a 13 year old girl who had been exposed to many of the things that the children in this case were exposed to. People often aske us why we adopted a child so old and we just figured that there were so many older children who grow up in the system and they just want a home. DFCS in Georgia did however leave out alot of information that would have probably saved us a lot of heartache and pain. She grew up with a drug addicted and alcoholic mother who had many relationships with Mexican men who were usually illegal aliens. One of the mothers boyfriends molested the older sister and the mother looked at the daughter as compatition. Sent her to have sex with men to pay for her drugs. DFCS had taken her and her older sister from their mother several times over the years and reunited them. Her mother finally sign her rights away and gave them to the state. After we adopted her, the truth began to unfold about how she was raised. The child we adopted said nothing ever happened to her but we believe something did because she had an attraction for older guys. She felt like guys her age were not enough for her. Some of the stories are as heartbreaking as this case and I can tell you first hand how those kids maybe screwed up for life.
So after running away five times, three trips to the youth detention center, stealing my car to drive to Alabama to reunite with her sister, lie after lie after lie, and exposing my children to a mess of other issues, she ran away the last time in Oct 2006. That is the last time we laid eyes on her. She is now 18 and grown. I can not tell you how turned upsidedown our lives had been while she was with us. We did everything possible as far as counciling and therapy but if the child really does not want to be with you, it will never work. I really feel for those children and the families who are taking them in. I truelly hope they do not have any of the problems we had but sad to say I am sure the will have some. Reactive attachment disorder is very serious.
another thing that stuck out to me is this. You stated the father of baby 5 was only 16 at time of conception. The mother was 24, eight years older.
She should be charged criminally, here in IL that would be considered aggravated sexual abuse. More than five years difference and one party is under the age of 18. She would be charged and would be required to register as a sexual offender. I'll guarantee if the male were 24 and the girl was 16 this would have been a major issue.
She should also be charged criminally for allowing the things that went on, such as the sexual abuse and molestation. Although those are often tough cases to prove because you have to prove that the mother was aware these things were going on. Sometimes a hard thing to prove even though all evidence points to the fact.
She should be charged criminally, here in IL that would be considered aggravated sexual abuse. More than five years difference and one party is under the age of 18. She would be charged and would be required to register as a sexual offender. I'll guarantee if the male were 24 and the girl was 16 this would have been a major issue.
She should also be charged criminally for allowing the things that went on, such as the sexual abuse and molestation. Although those are often tough cases to prove because you have to prove that the mother was aware these things were going on. Sometimes a hard thing to prove even though all evidence points to the fact.
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Hopefully the children will get the help they need and be able to live a some what normal life (if there is such a thing). I can't imagine what you had to see and listen to while sitting on that jury, it couldn't have been easy at all. I think y'all did the right thing by taking away the mothers rights. What a sad world we live in when things like this keep happening to kids.
My wife and I adopted 2 little girls that were in the system but at the time the Mother still had her parental rights. It was quite the mess.
We met one of the girls through a freind of a freind who was taking care of her because the Mom just didnt care. The Mom would take the girls to work with her ( Stripper / Hooker ) and the other Stippers would watch them. Eventually one of the Strippers took the girls home with her and started taking care of them but was unable to do so. ( But she did try )
Finally she brought one of the girls to us when she found out we wanted to adopt, and the ball started rolling. The Mom found out and at first wanted the girls back but by then DHS was involved and they were taken away from everyone and put into a foster home. We finally got both girls fostered with us and started meeting with the mom and she finally realized that with her they had no future, She agreed to give up her rights ( Hardest thing I think I have seen anybody do ) The judge drilled her hard about it. But she stuck to her word and now they are legaly ours.
The Mom has cleaned up her act. And her and my wife are freinds and we do allow her to visit when she wants, ( which isnt to often )
Ohhhhh and guys ( Yes she is HOT ! )
We met one of the girls through a freind of a freind who was taking care of her because the Mom just didnt care. The Mom would take the girls to work with her ( Stripper / Hooker ) and the other Stippers would watch them. Eventually one of the Strippers took the girls home with her and started taking care of them but was unable to do so. ( But she did try )
Finally she brought one of the girls to us when she found out we wanted to adopt, and the ball started rolling. The Mom found out and at first wanted the girls back but by then DHS was involved and they were taken away from everyone and put into a foster home. We finally got both girls fostered with us and started meeting with the mom and she finally realized that with her they had no future, She agreed to give up her rights ( Hardest thing I think I have seen anybody do ) The judge drilled her hard about it. But she stuck to her word and now they are legaly ours.
The Mom has cleaned up her act. And her and my wife are freinds and we do allow her to visit when she wants, ( which isnt to often )
Ohhhhh and guys ( Yes she is HOT ! )
Projekt
Registered
hmmm.. 9th grade dropout with no GED? Sounds like 3 girls that have been in my class this year... nothing like staring at the proud faces of 15yr olds who are 7 months pregnant... and trying not to strangle them.
It's a tough world out there and I hate to tell them, but LOVE and BABIES won't solve all your problems.
It's a tough world out there and I hate to tell them, but LOVE and BABIES won't solve all your problems.
Projekt
Registered
You think Juno had anything to do with it?
I think it made it much more acceptable and that new show "life of an american teenager" (I think that is what it is called.)
NCBusa2001
Registered
I was wondering when I was going to read, the rest of the story. Truly heartbreaking. That's one reason why I don't work with kids. The world is just too cruel and "people who help" are too few and too overworked.
I'm still very glad that you were able to help them and please don't spend any time second guessing yourself. You did good.
Even with the most intense counseling and meds, those older kids are probably still DONE. The younger one that got adopted right off may be alright. But the older ones brains are now forever wired for maladjusted life and abuse.
Really sad but we see it all the time,
Chris
I'm still very glad that you were able to help them and please don't spend any time second guessing yourself. You did good.
Even with the most intense counseling and meds, those older kids are probably still DONE. The younger one that got adopted right off may be alright. But the older ones brains are now forever wired for maladjusted life and abuse.
Really sad but we see it all the time,
Chris
I want to thank everyone for their kind words and hugs! It means a lot. My mom and hubby have really helped to put things in perspective as well. My mom keeps telling me to feel better that I may have helped to save those kids lives. Brianna, Isaac, Anna Marie, and Jorge, Jr. The baby born last month is Selena. I can say that now because it is all public record. It is so different when there are actual names for these children.
I have to say a some of the huge determining factors we had to consider in this case was that this mother had over 18 MONTHS of INTENSE HELP to get her act together. CPS was truly trying to help reunify this family and get her away from abusive men. The other problem was she had no "support system" via family, and in fact was court ordered not to have the children around her family.
Brother #1 is in prison for running over a female LEO because she "aggravated" him. Brother #2 is permanently in a state mental institution. Then of course there was the one sister who lost her kids, with the one dying at birth, then being stabbed. The second sister lost all her children as well for pretty much all the same circumstances. Last but not least Grandma could not be around due to her extensive CPS history, and Grandpa had long been out of the picture as he went back to Mexico many years ago.
None of the family could "step up" and help with the kids, and none of her extended family or friends could pass a criminal background check with CPS to help either.
It was sad and as many of you have said, the children will have a long road ahead but are much better off. I can not tell you enough about what a wonderful home the 17 month old is going to. Once the trial was over and I walked out the adoptive mother came up to me in tears and threw her arms around me just saying Thank you.
It was quite the experience.
I have to say a some of the huge determining factors we had to consider in this case was that this mother had over 18 MONTHS of INTENSE HELP to get her act together. CPS was truly trying to help reunify this family and get her away from abusive men. The other problem was she had no "support system" via family, and in fact was court ordered not to have the children around her family.
Brother #1 is in prison for running over a female LEO because she "aggravated" him. Brother #2 is permanently in a state mental institution. Then of course there was the one sister who lost her kids, with the one dying at birth, then being stabbed. The second sister lost all her children as well for pretty much all the same circumstances. Last but not least Grandma could not be around due to her extensive CPS history, and Grandpa had long been out of the picture as he went back to Mexico many years ago.
None of the family could "step up" and help with the kids, and none of her extended family or friends could pass a criminal background check with CPS to help either.
It was sad and as many of you have said, the children will have a long road ahead but are much better off. I can not tell you enough about what a wonderful home the 17 month old is going to. Once the trial was over and I walked out the adoptive mother came up to me in tears and threw her arms around me just saying Thank you.
It was quite the experience.
2BmrsDo3
Registered
You are right, that crazy ***** doesn't deserve her children. They are a precious gift and no matter how far you made it in school or anything else...we know right from wrong and she was just plain WRONG!!!!! That infuriates me to no end to see children suffer like this. You did the right thing. I'm not sure that I wouldn't have had a ghastly outburst towards her during the trial. They will be better off without her.
You know it is funny that you mention this. I would look around the courtroom all throughout the trial. I did control myself and my emotions. I was VERY PROUD of myself for keeping an emotionless face. I mainly focused on looking at the witness speaking, or the photos/documents up on the big screen thingy. But I would look at the mother to see her reactions to all that was being said about her and the children. We locked eyes a couple of different times. She had the nerve to give me a couple of those "go to he!!" looks. I just attributed it to her maturity level and the fact that see was self consious and wondering what I was thinking as I looked at her. One day she began dozing off during the trial, and another day took out a book and began reading as the trial seemed to be boring her.
Rayabusa0818
Never Forgotten
What an emotional roller coaster, I think you guys mad the correct decision...some people just shouldn't have children 
2BmrsDo3
Registered
And that is where I would have snapped. When I had jury duty the doctor that was being sued had this smug look on his face that made me want to slap him
