notman
Never Forgotten
TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if
ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your
couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the
cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE
named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a
nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler
Beagle"?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and
no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal
instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans
understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will
I have to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the
things I must remember to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or
after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.,
just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when
he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an
unacceptable way of saying "hello".
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm
under the coffee table .
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag
my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and
lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with
him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my
testicles back?
FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if
ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your
couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the
cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE
named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a
nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler
Beagle"?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and
no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal
instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans
understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will
I have to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the
things I must remember to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or
after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.,
just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when
he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an
unacceptable way of saying "hello".
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm
under the coffee table .
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag
my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and
lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with
him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my
testicles back?
