ATTN: ALL Step Parents !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bosshound

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What is a Father ?

I Have a 27 year old STEP daughter living with me right now. :dontgetit: She has the Mentality of a Teenager. :wtf:

Wife and I Never had Kids or Our Own but I am the Official STEP DAD to Her Grown Kids. I HAVE NO EXPERIANCE on How to Raise Children but I am Trying and it's an Uphill Battle.....

Things are Getting a Little Frustrating Right Now:banghead:

Thanks For Listening :thumbsup:
 
I know it has to be frustrating. I do not have any step children myself, but just the fact that you mentioned her age being 27. It is always difficult for an adult child to live back "at home" with the parents. Biological child or not, it is not easy for either side.

I tried to "go back home" and live with my family for almost a year in 2004. Hubby was deployed to the Arabian Gulf and I had a brand new baby so I thought what better thing to do than stay with Mom & Dad. WRONG!!! They need their space and I needed mine.

Hang in there! It will get better.
 
I know it has to be frustrating. I do not have any step children myself, but just the fact that you mentioned her age being 27. It is always difficult for an adult child to live back "at home" with the parents. Biological child or not, it is not easy for either side.

I tried to "go back home" and live with my family for almost a year in 2004. Hubby was deployed to the Arabian Gulf and I had a brand new baby so I thought what better thing to do than stay with Mom & Dad. WRONG!!! They need their space and I needed mine.

Hang in there! It will get better.

Thanks !!!! :bowdown:
 
I am in the same boat (except for the kids are 15 and 10). It is very hard to step in and make an impact on the kids and keep a good relationship with them AND your spouse. All you can do is try! Either they accept you or they don't! But your spouse will love you anyway! :thumbsup:
 
I'm a step dad too but was was lucky enough to be involved with the children since they were 1 1/2 and 3 1/2. They are 19 and 21 now.

The only advice that I have is when things get stressful with her, make sure you keep the Mrs. in the loop.
 
Step Dad here also. I am with Projekt, why is she living at home at the age of 27?
 
Dan is a wonderful parent. I haven't heard the 2 older kids don't refer to him as their stepfather.

There are so many factors in this. The biggest thing is you and your wife absolutely HAVE to be on the same page. She has to be committed to letting you be a parent. This will let the child know that she can use the ol' divide and conquer move. You and your wife won't always agree, but keep your parenting disagreements private.

But the key is respect. Especially with an adult child who has moved back home. You can respect her but stilll enforce bountries. Your house isn't just free room and board until she gets back on her feet. She's lucky to have parents she can turn to. And hopefully, she realizes that this is an incovenience for you and your wife and won't abuse the situation. I hope it was also a pretty humbling decision for her and she'll understand what you're dealing with as well.
 
Ignore the problem and it will go away.:laugh: Sounds like its time for some tough love. Live by your:rulez:: or get out works for any age.
 
Step Dad here also. I am with Projekt, why is she living at home at the age of 27?

That was my first question too... at the age of 27, "raising" her should have been over with years ago. She is an adult now and should be acting like one.
 
step dad checking in...
at the age of 27 the raising is done. I'm sure spanking is out of the question :laugh:
 
Ok, first off you have the mentality of "how to raise her"

too late, she has done been raised.

A rule of thumb is that by the age of 13 years old you have pretty much done all the raising you can do (I.E. they are now ingrained with whatever behavioral traits they will posses for the rest of their lives, only life itself will now change their behavior, parents are pretty much out of the picture by this time)

So, stop trying to "raise" a 27 year old.

Now, what you can do however is if she is living under your roof, you can set guidelines as you would if you were renting out a room to an adult because guess what? that is what you are pretty much doing.. well probably without the actual monetary rent part.

Set whatever rules and excpectations you like and if she doesnt abide by them then kick her out.

Now with that said you must also take into consideration she is a 27 year old WOMAN. she is not a litle girl. Women have been married sometimes twice or more by this age. My mom had me when she was 17 so I was 10 years old by the time she was 27.

As I said, you cant raise her. you can offer support if she wants it. you can offer advice if she wants it. but I wouldnt offer any of this unless she asks.

And if she wants to come and go as she pleases. let her. if you cant deal with it, tell her to move it.

If she wants to bring guys home and bang them and you dont feel comfortable, tell her guys are only allowed over to pick her up and drop her off and the occasional family BBQ

If she is doing drugs, tell her to take that crap elsewhere.

In other words as I have been saying, you cant raise her, all you can do is control what goes on in your house.


Good luck
 
Sometimes people have "hard times" and look back at the parents for help. I don't see a problem with that. Heck, after my divorce (my first wife), I moved back in with my mother. This helped her out because she is getting older and it made her feel better. I was going through very difficult financial issues and the no rent helped me out greatly. I did not abuse the situation though.
I want my children to know that if any of them EVER "NEED" my help, that they are more than welcome to come back home until they can do better, and my new wife feels the same way...as long as they don't abuse the situation!
 
Boss I def. feel for ya. Whatever is stressing the house out is your wife on your side with it or does she think your overreacting?
 
my deepest sympathies to you for the "step daughter" ordeal... (and it is going to be an ordeal)... You are going to have to be the adult (and an extremely tolerant one)

Most of the issue/non issue is going to be how "mom" handles this as well... Best advice I can give is sit down , shut up and drive.... IF you are lucky, the kid will at least realize that it is YOUR home she is in and not hers (but that is only if you are lucky)..

You are in a lose/lose situation so make the best of it...

I spent years with a cry baby primadona for a stepdaughter... if it was not new, or the best, it was not good enough... best to just suck it up and go with the flow because if she turns hostile, your life will be hell...

At 27 and back home, is not a good sign... hope you really love your wife... hope this is only temporary for you..
 
my deepest sympathies to you for the "step daughter" ordeal... (and it is going to be an ordeal)... You are going to have to be the adult (and an extremely tolerant one)

Most of the issue/non issue is going to be how "mom" handles this as well... Best advice I can give is sit down , shut up and drive.... IF you are lucky, the kid will at least realize that it is YOUR home she is in and not hers (but that is only if you are lucky)..

You are in a lose/lose situation so make the best of it...

I spent years with a cry baby primadona for a stepdaughter... if it was not new, or the best, it was not good enough... best to just suck it up and go with the flow because if she turns hostile, your life will be hell...

At 27 and back home, is not a good sign... hope you really love your wife... hope this is only temporary for you..




Ehem. let me be the first to say....




:shocked::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


Randy, your problem is that you hold too much back. you really should tell him how it is so he can just go get plastered and stay plastered for the rest of his life..

:rofl::rofl:
 
Ehem. let me be the first to say....




:shocked::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


Randy, your problem is that you hold too much back. you really should tell him how it is so he can just go get plastered and stay plastered for the rest of his life..

:rofl::rofl:
hey wanna see my liquor cabinet? (Oh the little brat found it too and when I found the near empty bottle under the passenger seat of her car, guess who caught hell.... (and it was not her)

makes my skin crawl to think she could move back in.... (stashing a pile of razor blades so I can slash my wrists)
 
Ya got two choices.
"Go to the mattresses" or get the hell out.
At 27, this girl is not going to change.
And IF her mom raised her to be this way, mom's not good either.

If mom didn't raise her like this...time to kick her out. She made the choices, she has to face the consequences. You are stopping her from growing by handling/helping the consequences of her actions.
I know I am new here and stepping into mud water....but I was in the same situation.
Don't let it kill your own dignity like I did years ago. I am out now....if I had to do it over, I would go find myself a woman who respects my word. And be happy. Now I am too old to catch another good one.....
Get out while you can.
 
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