DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune
and hum it.
If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and
hum that instead.
CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a
p*ss before the film starts.
RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually
speaking clearly in the first place.
DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity
stolen.
Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank
statements.
WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red
wine?
Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the
stains.
MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to
yourself via DHL.
You will never see it again.
BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out
at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs
on you.
MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the
volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife
from having to do it.
GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by
Royal Mail.
ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness.
DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and
wave your arms frantically.
This should help the car start and send them on their way.
CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables
may be hidden in the glove box or
under a seat.
DEPRESSED people. Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help', simply
shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.
SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside
Etam with several bags of shopping,
looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.
ALCOHOLICS don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub,
where a large selection is available
at retail prices.
McDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in
with the countryside after they've been
thrown out of car windows.
And for last
WOMEN Don't waste energy faking org@sms. Most men couldn't give a sh*t
anyway and you could use the saved energy
to hoover the house after you've been banged.
and hum it.
If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and
hum that instead.
CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a
p*ss before the film starts.
RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually
speaking clearly in the first place.
DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity
stolen.
Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank
statements.
WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red
wine?
Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the
stains.
MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to
yourself via DHL.
You will never see it again.
BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out
at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs
on you.
MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the
volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife
from having to do it.
GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by
Royal Mail.
ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness.
DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and
wave your arms frantically.
This should help the car start and send them on their way.
CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables
may be hidden in the glove box or
under a seat.
DEPRESSED people. Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help', simply
shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.
SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside
Etam with several bags of shopping,
looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.
ALCOHOLICS don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub,
where a large selection is available
at retail prices.
McDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in
with the countryside after they've been
thrown out of car windows.
And for last
WOMEN Don't waste energy faking org@sms. Most men couldn't give a sh*t
anyway and you could use the saved energy
to hoover the house after you've been banged.
