Okay, need some advice from women

yamahor

DEAD MAN WALKING
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So, I'm contemplating this... I went to a restaurant with some friends last Saturday to hear a friend of ours playy his guitar. Awesome music, if he wasn't playing, I wouldn't have been there, as I didn't even eat, but that's beside the point... Okay, so, our waitress was a very cute girl. She and I joked around a bit, and I said something about doing something (very discriptive, huh) and a friend said "Didn't you do that when you graduated High School?" to which the waitress replied "Oh, you just graduated? So did I!" And I then said I graduated 5 years ago. She got a real dissapointed look on her face (maybe it was just me thinking that though) and we continued joking when she'd walk by. Then, it dawned on me, out of the group we had, it was like she would come by in her free time and stop to chat with me more than the others... Again, mihgt just be me thinking this... Anyway, I was wondering, should I try and ask her out next time I see her? 5 years too much of an age difference? If I were to ask her out, how should I go about it? I'm not used to asking girls out, so I need some guidance where possible. I was a bit of a recluse in school, and only recently became a nutjob and joker to everyone within the past few years, but talking with women eludes me... I start to trip on my own words, sweat a little, and just plain get REAL nervous... Anyway, any tips?
 
Just ask her out to hang out or whatever. No need to get all fancy and worried about it. Spend a bit of time together and if there's a connection it'll become apparent.
 
Just be real and talk to her like you mean it. Believe it or not, you have real value too!

If I didn't believe this I wouldn't be married to a woman 10 years younger than me and be in the most amazing relationship ever. Be true to who you are.
 
I am by no means flaming you...


You should have asked her out then and there. The only way you are going to move forward is by moving forward. The time you spent thinking about it is time you could have been on a date... or better yet in her pants.j/k. You need to not care about rejection. If you worry about getting shot down you might as well get used to massage parlors.

This is what I told my brother when he asked me advice.. Ben he was 15. I told him to grow a set! I told him to ask out or talk to every girl, woman, grandmother that he came across... Not only are you statistically increasing your chances you are becoming less shy and afraid.

And ben don't go looking for a relationship... look for someone who is fun and you find attractive ... If you do that the relationship will follow (usually).

Ben make it clear it is a date... We don't want you leaving with a freindship ring and a bff bracelet.

And for the record My brother used to get more ass than a toilet seat.
 
My father told me 1 out of every 15 girls is a nymphomaniac.

So when it comes down to talking to girls my advice would be, if at first you don't succeed try 14 more times!
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Now as for this one particular girl, I agree with jessup:
You should have asked her out then and there.  The only way you are going to move forward is by moving forward.  The time you spent thinking about it is time you could have been on a date... or better yet in her pants.j/k.[/Quote]
except I ain't kidding
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. The main thing is to be yourself. So many times my friends try to talk to girls by being something they aren't. Then when the girl expects them to be that way all the time they say the girl is trying to change them. By being yourself, if she accepts you she's accepting YOU. If not, then find someone who will. The absolute worse thing one can ever do in a relationship is change just to make that person happy. If you can't be yourself you'll never be truly happy.

This might sound sexest, but it's the truth. If you are just trying to get into her pants, then lie your butt off. But if you want a true relationship with this girl, you're going to have to know that she wants you for who you are, not who she thinks you are.


PS
Never ask a woman for advice on this. When we're sleeping they are on they're global network exchanging secrets. Right now they are on the network with this waitress and she is telling them what she wants them to say to you. I know this because I caught my ex on the network once. When the other females found out about me knowing their secret they tried to have me killed. First they tried to rig a bomb under my car but since they didn't know about cars they couldn't figure out how to open the hood. Then they tried to shoot me, but had no aim. Then they tried to run me off of the road but they couldn't drive. Last I heard, they hired a mechanic to kill me. He told them a price higher than what he would have told a man, but heck they don't know any better. They are now trying to come up with the money ... AKA ... asking their husbands for it.

NightCrawler runs away ...

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Just realized he was only asking for advice from women. That is part of your problem... don't try to understand them... or cater to them... or do what you think they want. Be yourself and when in doubt...Go for it. Always go for it. The worst that can happen is that you get a no thanks or vd
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5 years age difference? No big deal. But to someone out of HS, it probably seems a lot bigger than it is....

Is she really just out of high school? You can find out if she served you an adult beverage. I believe you have to be 21 to serve alcohol.

Is your friend playing there again? If so, show up again. If you see here wave and say hi. Tell her "I forgot to ask you last time, but are you free for <insert date idea here - going to movies, ice skating, riding on Busa, etc)"

Another option is to bring your helmet (Shoei, HJC, etc) and use that as bait. She'll ask "oh, what is this? You ride a bike?" You say sure - wanna ride (my bike)" and let it flow.

Another tact (although with her so young no sure), is ask what time she gets off work and offer to buy her breakfast or a late dinner (not drinks). When I worked in restaurants, we used to like to get out and have someone serve us for a change...

+1 on everyone else - be yourself and speak up. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
 
I have been single for the third time in my life for the last year and a half. At 44 years old I have finally figured out what girls want and how to approach them. Lines don't work that well in my opinion. The best opener for me is just a simple "hi......... are you single". If they are single and interested, they will answer yes, and your off to the races. If they say no they are attached or just not interested. I get their number and go back to what I was doing, which is usually hanging with friends. Then I call the next day and invite them to meet me out for a drink or a cup of coffee later in the week. Asking them if they are single cuts thru so much of the BS right from the start. Also you should have asked her for her number the first time you met her. If she was interested and you didn't ask her for her number that night she might think you lack self confidence or weren't interested. She may quit her job and you may never see her again. Always strike when the iron is hot so to speak. I have missed a ton of dates because I hesitated.

Oh and have fun!
 
I enjoy reading the responses from the guys...insightful  
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Ben, should have just asked her out then and there...you ponder too much far too long, then the moment's lost.  Just start flying by the seat of your pants and take life as it comes at you; doesn't always mean you'll always get the responses that you want, but hey, it's better than sitting around and wondering what you should/could have done differently.  
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Go through life with NO regrets and you'll be a happy man
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Next time you see her (at the bar probably) casually approach her or make sure to sit in her section and say, "Hi, how you been, bla, bla, bla" and ultimately ask her what she likes to do for fun? If she comes up with something specific that you would also enjoy and know about say, " I know this great place to do that, we should go sometime. Or if you get a vague answer ask her, "Ever been on a motorcycle ride? I'm riding this weekend why don't you join me?" If she says "no" because she has specific plans she lays out then tell her you're riding the next day as well - which if you hadn't planned on at this point you are now - if she still can't ask her for her number so you can call her next time you decide to go riding. If she doesn't give you her number then you really have to question her interest level.

Remember, when you are talking to her speak in a manner as if you expect her to say yes. Almost giving the impression of "why wouldn't you want to go?"
 
the best advice i can think of is "quit getting hung up on one girl at a time"...dating is really all about hunting...there are tons of targets so don't try to be a sharpshooter, bring a shotgun...ask them all out- you will get a yes now and then...this will help you build confidence and you will then get more girls to go out with you...if you sit back and think about it too long, someone else will move in and ask her out first and you will have lost out

if she responds that she is seeing someone, don't get disappointed and walk away...strike up a conversation and get her to laugh then make a graceful departure...manage to "accidentally" run into her again in a couple weeks and say "hi" talk to her for a little bit and move on...sooner or later when you ask how she is doing, if she is interested, she will mention that she just broke up with her boyfriend, fiance, husband, whatever...tell her you are sorry and ask if there is anything you can do- they will almost always say "no"...give her a week or two, then "accidentally" run into her again and ask her out for coffee, a sandwich for lunch, etc. (anything that doesn't put too much pressure on her but is not a group thing either)...hopefully by now you know a little something about her (favorite music, hobbies, etc.) during your time together, ask if she would like to go with you to ___ (fill in the blank with something she enjoys- concert, horseback riding, picnic in the park, museum, motorcycle ride, etc. p.s. make sure this is something you don't hate as you want to be comfortable and have a good time also)...then, let nature take its course...sometimes, things will work out and sometimes they won't but at least you have had a good time

as time goes by, you might eventually find the one that shines above all others...that's when you start focusing on just her...until then, have fun
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Ben,
Stop over analyzing the situation. If we could accurately predict the outcome of asking someone out, there would be no divorces. Like others have said, just ask. The worst she can say is no thanks, in which case, you are where you are right now................. not going out with her. If that happens to be the answer, don't get your feelings hurt and move on.

Don
 
Jessup said what I was thinking before I could.
You should have asked her to join you after work for a drink, to chill or watch a video. You could have just offered her a foot rub after work with a wink and a smile. When a girl does what you describe she is definitely open for a good time. Oh and I don't think her reaction to your age difference was negative, she may have just been reading your facial expression. When you have a connection with a chic like that you have to just take that leap of faith and make the move. No big deal, someday your impulses will overwhelm your inhibitions and it will come naturally. Think about when you really like a girl and you get that feeling in your gut that is so intense, you have to take the opportunity right then and there.
 
Thanks everyone. Next time I see her, I'm enacting the "You single? Wanna go out sometime?" Routine.
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(USN05LE @ Aug. 23 2007,10:28) Ben,
  Stop over analyzing the situation.  If we could accurately predict the outcome of asking someone out, there would be no divorces.  Like others have said, just ask.  The worst she can say is no thanks, in which case, you are where you are right now.................  not going out with her.  If that happens to be the answer, don't get your feelings hurt and move on.

Don
I've noticed I have a tendency to overthink stuff WAY too much... I need to work on that.
 
And Ben... Women always say that they like a guy with a sense of humor... That is a half truth. While they often like a guy that is funny they always seem to go for the guys that take no shiat and are funny. Keep that in mind... Self deprecating humor or being overly sensitive and nice (in general) are the failings of the American man. Always remember that you are one... I don't mean in that overly macho sexist way like the jerk offs you see in the club that are all spoofed out and acting tuff... I mean the clint eastwood way... Its good to be funny and nice but better to be a little rough too.
E.

Gotta ask yourself are you ever really afriad of a metro sexual? Don't ever be that guy.
 
(yamahor @ Aug. 23 2007,08:07) Thanks everyone. Next time I see her, I'm enacting the "You single? Wanna go out sometime?" Routine.
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Don't ask her if she is single or seeing anybody? If she is she will tell you and maybe she is just casually seeing somebody off/on and open to looking for something better. So if you ask her she may feel obligated to say, "yes." Don't ask her questions that provide her with answers that become objections.

Just find out what some of her interests are and what she likes to do for fun and invite her to do something involving those interests.
 
One woman answered, some good advice Ben, just go for it. Nightcrawler; still looking for that one
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