gurrera
Registered
RETIRED HUSBAND
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips
to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred
to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to
browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local
Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to,
ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed
below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off
at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station
and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a
union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company
money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag
of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows
and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and
used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while,
loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his,
'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked
where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.'
One of the clerks passed out.
Gurrera
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips
to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred
to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to
browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local
Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to,
ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed
below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off
at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station
and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a
union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company
money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag
of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows
and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and
used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while,
loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his,
'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked
where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.'
One of the clerks passed out.
Gurrera
