You might be a Taliban IF:

skydivr

Jumps from perfectly good Airplanes
Donating Member
Courtesy of Jeff Foxworthy (the Mark Twain of our generation):

"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5.. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
 
:moon: I'd slip a strip of bacon between there and...

Kind of reminds me... How does a tell a bum flush the toy let? Snaps his wrists twice.

:poke: What is rule #1 of the tell ya bums. What is rule #19 of their 30 rules of engagement?
 
you'r wife resembles a ninja???
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THESE REALLY WORK!! I checked this out on Snopes and it’s for real!

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1 . AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP .

2 . AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK .

3 . FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS . REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER .

4 . A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON .

5 . IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES . THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH .

6 . YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40 . IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE .

7 . IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM ..

DAILY THOUGHT:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS .





:laugh::laugh:
 
Are these "Red Neck" Taliban?

What do you call a man of the Taliban with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other? :whistle:















Bi-Sexual! :beerchug:
 
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