Christmas Debacle - Need Opinions

Vonderbach

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Dear Abby,

Let's get one thing out of the way, my wife and my sister in law (my brother's wife) do not get along well. It is largely unspoken and it has never resulted in anything more than hurt feelings, since both of them realize that making a scene would only make things worse and make them look foolish in return. Obviously I take my wife's side of things, so I won't bore anyone with the details; let's just say there are logical reasons for the conflict.

Here's my problem. We made plans to visit my parents on Christmas Eve, a day that supposedly my bother and his wife had other plans. Since then, my parents have relayed this information to them and suddenly they are free for dinner. So what was supposed to be a pleasurable evening with my folks has now become a chore, not to mention the fact that I have yet to tell my wife. I am struggling with the decision to tell my parents how we feel, since in their eyes, it will likely seem that we are being shallow and childish. I am dreading this evening, but I don't want to punish my parents for what is obviously not their problem.

Anyone have any thoughts as to how to make this easier?
 
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Man, if you figure this out, let me know. I have major issues with two of my sisters. Drugs, middle of the night calls screaming into the phone, living with my parents with 3 kids all from different men, I hate going out to my folks. But what do you? I am going next weekend, but I dont plan to stay long, and if things get out of hand, we are gone. I have not taken my kids out there in several months. My parents ask me for help, but when I try to help, they stop me. When my mother asks for advice, she wont take what I tell her. Its a lose lose situation.
Best thing I can say, tell your wife now, put on a happy face and make the best of it. If things get bad, simply say thank you to your folks and go home. You dont have to put up with that kind of crap. You dont have to be drawn into an argument, which is most likely what your sister in law wants. Be the bigger person and simply leave. Good luck bro.
 
Bring Friends.....

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amen to what twotonevert above suggested. Take the "moral highground".....inform wife, go to parents' house and be civil. If other party starts anything, do not get baited into an "incident" and leave.

You cannot be faulted by your parents for NOT showing up plus you will not be tagged as the "bad" guy in case anything happens while you're there.

Best of luck and Happy Holidays!
 
Best thing I can say, tell your wife now, put on a happy face and make the best of it. If things get bad, simply say thank you to your folks and go home. You dont have to put up with that kind of crap. You dont have to be drawn into an argument, which is most likely what your sister in law wants. Be the bigger person and simply leave. Good luck bro.


Good advise.:thumbsup:
 
I am going to just tell you like it is because I have a very simular situation I recommend telling mom and dad the truth and tell them you are not coming or tell them the need to tell your Brother they need to visit another time. reason I say that is if you go and every thing is just miserable what is the point of going not to mention when all the bickering and stuff starts happening people just get their feeling hurt anyway.
 
I am serious about the "friends", but it seems as though the issue is between the two women. Why get your parent's involved. Not only that ,but as I read it these 2 women are not even related other than "by law" and should show respect to you, your brother and your parents by acting in a civil manner on Christmas.

That said, I also think that you guys, al 4, need to get things worked out in an adult manner, Christmas may not be the right time but the whole thing sounds childish to me.
 
Call a peace treaty, but keep your powder dry and nearby :thumbsup:
 
I have to deal with a similar situation and basically I will be hospitable but I will also let it be known that I am not taking any crap.
 
While I too see this as being very childish, my first thought is to simply avoid the problem, which is what I thought we were doing by making a separate time to see my folks. So now we're being forced to either forsake my parents or forsake ourselves, whcih seems to be the proper course of action based on some of the replies here. And while I would love to say "Yes, we'll be the better people," I am still left to wonder why in the hell my brother's wife would invite herself, knowing very well that there is tension between us. I am beginning to wonder if she even realizes the problem.

Thanks for the replies everyone, it has helped me to gain some prespective.

And Dino, I wish my wife was a drinker, if only during the holidays. My problem's would probably worsen if I brought "friends" and my wife went sober. ;)
 
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While I too see this as being very childish, my first thought is to simply avoid the problem, which is what I thought we were doing by making a separate time to see my folks. So now we're being forced to either forsake my parents or forsake ourselves, whcih seems to be the proper course of action based on some of the replies here. And while I would love to say "Yes, we'll be the better people," I am still left to wonder why in the hell my brother's wife would invite herself, knowing very well that there is tension between us. I am beginning to wonder if she even realizes the problem.

Thanks for the replies everyone, it has helped me to gain some prespective.

And Dino, I wish my wife was a drinker, if only during the holidays. My problem's would probably worsen if I brought "friends" and my wife went sober. ;)

Ya bro, they might make the problem worse, but you wouldn't care. :laugh:

At least until morning....
 
amen to what twotonevert above suggested. Take the "moral highground".....inform wife, go to parents' house and be civil. If other party starts anything, do not get baited into an "incident" and leave.

You cannot be faulted by your parents for NOT showing up plus you will not be tagged as the "bad" guy in case anything happens while you're there.

Best of luck and Happy Holidays!

+1 Good luck, at the first sign of trouble it may be worth saying out loud what you actually want to have happen on your holiday something like "I sure am glad to be around my family this time of year" and leave it at that. Hopefully all involved will get the hint.
 
Bring Friends.....

I agree 100% with Dino. I told my parents their options are I dont do family get togethers anymore or I do them with wine...lots of wine...

It really works! Just stick with something that keeps you mellow. Like I'd prob punch my sister in the face if I drank Tequila...lol. So I drink a nice smooth white wine.
 
I agree 100% with Dino. I told my parents their options are I dont do family get togethers anymore or I do them with wine...lots of wine...

It really works! Just stick with something that keeps you mellow. Like I'd prob punch my sister in the face if I drank Tequila...lol. So I drink a nice smooth white wine.

:thumbsup:
 
I have to ask: Have you and brother tried to sit down your wife and his for a talk to work through the problems?

You mentioned that his wife may not even realize there is a problem so I'm wondering if this could be fixed by simply talking with each other in person. Maybe that's what your parents are trying to do. I'm sure they know something is up so maybe they are trying to get everyone together for a talk. :dunno:
 
While I too see this as being very childish, my first thought is to simply avoid the problem, which is what I thought we were doing by making a separate time to see my folks. So now we're being forced to either forsake my parents or forsake ourselves, whcih seems to be the proper course of action based on some of the replies here. And while I would love to say "Yes, we'll be the better people," I am still left to wonder why in the hell my brother's wife would invite herself, knowing very well that there is tension between us. I am beginning to wonder if she even realizes the problem.
Thanks for the replies everyone, it has helped me to gain some prespective.

And Dino, I wish my wife was a drinker, if only during the holidays. My problem's would probably worsen if I brought "friends" and my wife went sober. ;)

makes me wonder....

i think you and your brother need to tell your wives to grow up, act like adults and stop causing problems between you and your brother and your parents.

either your parents are stupid, or the problems between the wives are not really that big, the percieved insults and the disrespect...has apparently gone un-noticed by your parents.
 
A giant tub of Green Jello and a referee and a Camera should just about do the trick.






Sorry Brother, My wife and sister dont get along either. My sister says my wife is not good enough for me, I am Demmym you know, What woman is lol lol lol

Let the flaming begin
 
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I have to ask: Have you and brother tried to sit down your wife and his for a talk to work through the problems?

You mentioned that his wife may not even realize there is a problem so I'm wondering if this could be fixed by simply talking with each other in person. Maybe that's what your parents are trying to do. I'm sure they know something is up so maybe they are trying to get everyone together for a talk. :dunno:

I think you hit the nail right on the head. They might know what's goign on and they want to end it.
Good luck and enjo you time w/ your family
 
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